Page 8 of A Conflict of Interest

Ugh, he did know me so well. And that felt kind of like a compliment? Like he acknowledged how much I was all about fashion and personal upkeep, and he wanted to celebrate it. I bit my lip as I replied.yeah I liked the girl I dated better,I sent, and then I realized that sounded wrong, so I sent,I still like boys too that’s not me saying I’m a lesbian,and then I realized I had no good reason to say that, so I flushed, typing,not that there’s anything wrong with being a lesbian,and then I wondered if maybe that implied there was something wrong with him if he was bisexual, so I sent,or being bisexual,and then I worried maybe he was just a stylish straight guy, so I sent,or straight,and then I realized I’d dug myself so deep into this hole that I’d never get out, so I groaned, burying my face in my hands and hiding under the blankets. He replied a minute later.

your type is just stylish people regardless of their gender, isn’t it

I laughed, relaxing all the awkward tension I’d given myself in my whole body for zero reason.kind offfffff yeah but whatever I bet you like stylish people too judging by the sheer commitment to that compliment on my outfit!!

it’s not really first on my list when I go for guys because most guys put no effort in tbh but I love a girl with a cute sense of style

Oh thank god. He liked girls. Stylish ones, too. And he seemed to think I was stylish. And… he was the freelancer for our… why was I so invested in this? This was so embarrassing. Or it should have been. Instead I was just a sucker for this guy.

you are not wrong about guys,I sent with a nervous laugh to myself.every time I’m with a guy I’m like, ugh, you’re cute, why won’t you wear something nice to go with that cute face??and every time I’m with a girl she’s like some kind of goddess and I feel like I’m out of my league

No—why was I saying that? That just brought my mind back to Veronica Preston, the place it was expressly forbidden from ever going.

She’dbeen fashionable. Always with the best outfits. And just in general she was the kind of pretty that I’d never thought existed in the real world… I’d been so captivated from the first instant she came up to me asking, a little surprised, if I was Kelcey from Anna’s department.

She’d been wearing silver that night, just like I was now. I couldn’t think about that too much or I’d ruin silver for myself.

Nic replied after a second, and it wasn’t until he did that I realized I’d gone off in a weird direction.including that fashionable girl you were last dating?

I’m not hung up on her or anything if that’s what you’re wondering!

I sent the message and stared at it like it had crawled out of the earth and sent itself. What was I saying? What was I doing? Basically just telling him I was totally down to date someone? I sent another.

not that that’s relevant to anything

Oh, god, that made it sound more suspicious. I felt myself burn, and I huddled up in the blankets, doing the only thing I could to avoid the situation

okay maybe I’m a little hung up on her still.

that’s okay,he sent, and I got a nervous lump in my throat at the message he sent next,I’m a little hung up on the last girl I dated too… so I guess this is also something we have in common

It was kind of relaxing in a weird way, actually. Knowing he was messy in the same way I was. I sat there for a long time just looking at it before I sent,what was she like?

He was typing right away, and he was at it for a while, long enough I found myself drifting out of bed and down to the kitchen to make some quick food. His response came through while I was halfway through setting up a lazy little charcuterie board.

she was the cutest person I’ve ever known, just the sweetest little ball of sunshine with the biggest smile that could make any situation better, and she’d laugh over every little thing until I realized that I was being cynical and actually the world was full of wonderful, happy things, and I didn’t know who I was when I wasn’t around her because she took the person I was and turned that on its head and I haven’t been the same since

I stared for a while, still holding the jar of olives, just reading over it, taking it all in with this distant pang in my chest, as he sent another message.

she also really liked Christmas so this time of year just makes me think of her

He… really was hung up on her. Seemed like he was every bit as done for as I was. He sent another message while I was processing it all.

not that I’m hung up on her

I laughed, quietly, as I finished putting together the rest of the board and sat on the couch by the balcony doors, draped with sheer white curtains where the city lights coming in through the lacy fabric looked like stars, and I replied.

of course not,I replied.just as not hung up on her as I am on the girl I was with!!

we’re like so good at moving on

oh my god totally.I curled up in the corner of the couch, holding a pillow into my chest, looking at the half-moon out the window with a soft, distant feeling.

He was kind of hung up on this girl. Meaning, in the end, I probably didn’t have a chance with him after all. But it actually felt… nice? We were both hung up on girls in our own ways. And maybe I could just harmlessly crush on him a little bit while we both just got to talk about nice things together and get over them together.

I couldn’t help this deep-down pang, somewhere inside me, though, that the large part of this relief was that I wasn’t giving up my feelings for Veronica. That I’d get to talk about her. But I wasn’t having those thoughts! I wasn’t thinking about Veronica. Not ever. Not once.

He sent me the message he wasn’t supposed to.what about yours?

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