Page 35 of A Conflict of Interest

“She can’t keep making me fall for her,” I said, my voice thin and wobbly. “Fool me once, shame on you, but fool me a hundred times and it’s just… what’s wrong with me?”

“You don’t have to do anything,” Lucy said softly down the line. “Just because she’s doing any or all of this doesn’t mean you owe her anything.”

I swallowed. “I… I guess. I just…” I sighed. “Lucy, am I useless?”

“Not at all. I mean, look how you took on the video project so confidently.”

“And screwed up.”

“I’ve screwed up a million things, too. Everyone has. Except Anna Preston, but—nobody should be out there comparing themselves to Anna Preston. Making a mistake doesn’t mean the end of the road, just… just a turn in that road.”

I hung my head. “I’ll… I’ll be better,” I said quietly. “By the time I’m back. That’s a promise.”

“You don’t need to—”

“It’s a promise. Okay? Please believe me.”

She was quiet for a long time before she said, “All right… I believe you. Good luck, Kelce.”

“Thanks, Lucy. I’ll… see you later.”

I let out a long, heavy sigh once I put the phone down, staring at the nutcracker.

I needed to know. I didn’t know what that looked like, but I at least needed to know. Otherwise, sitting here at home with nothing to do, I’d turn around and around the thoughts in my head until I exploded, and nobody needed that.

“Dammit, Veronica,” I groaned, and I stood up, gathering my things, getting ready to go out. Physically ready, at least. Emotionally ready? Never.

∞∞∞

The city center was bustling right now, people pushing every which way with boots crunching in the fresh snow, along shopfronts dressed up with wreaths and ribbons, silver bells on the streetlights. The shopping center had a tree in the center that stood taller than the roofs around it, and I stepped underneath strings of lights and garland to get to the entrance of the café at the side, my stomach turning with the familiarity of it. It smelled like sweet spices when I got inside, and the warm air inside wrapped like a blanket over my shoulders as I stepped up to the counter, the barista looking up and smiling at me.

“Hey,” she said. “Light roast pourover?”

I sucked in a long, shaky breath, resting my hands on the counter and forcing them to relax. Veronica had taken me here all the time… her favorite spot, since her stint working at the music shop right across from it. Even after she left that job, she’d been attached to this place, and she took me here long enough that the baristas got concerned the first time I came in without Veronica.

I’d just laughed and said I was getting a sneaky surprise coffee for her behind her back, which she’d ended up loving. Same for the second time I went here without Veronica. The third time I went without Veronica was… well, the reason was less fun.

I hadn’t been here in a minute now. Stepping into the cozy space with its awkward triangular design making seating difficult but giving the best views of the busy shopping street, weird coffee apparatuses in shelves and on the deep windowsills—it felt like stepping into my own past. I hadn’t expected them to recognize me still.

“Let’s do a flat white,” I said. The barista studied me for a second before she smiled cleverly, adjusting her apron and turning to the espresso machine.

“Changed your tastes since you were last here?”

“Well… unfortunately, no. But I’m trying out new things all the time these days.”

“So, no muffin?”

I paused. “I didn’t say that.”

It wasn’t much longer before she had a muffin and a flat white out on the handoff plane, and I took them with a big smile and athank youwhere I tried not to let my nerves show and the reassuring smile she gave me let me know that they did show, and I settled into the spot Veronica and I would always sit at, the high table in the corner looking over the café, while I sat at my phone trying to figure out what to do.

I went to the conversation with Nic, but it felt wrong. Just… the conversation with her as Veronica felt more wrong. And what was I even supposed to say?

This whole thing was a mistake. I was so heavy swimming in my own thoughts, trying to make sense of it, that I didn’t even notice where I was until my coffee was nearly gone and my muffin was just crumbs, and I’d written and deleted a hundred different messages. I was ready to pull my hair out when the doorbell jingled, and I looked up absently and found the world coming to a stop at the sight of exactly what I’d come here hoping for and, at the same time, the last thing I was ever ready to see.

Veronica Preston was so beautiful, I didn’t know what to do with myself. She pushed in through the door with a matter-of-fact, don’t-get-in-my-way demeanor I wasn’t used to seeing from her, and she looked a little worn, like she hadn’t sleptmuch, but even with that, she was radiant, wearing a long dark coat down to her thighs and her hair pulled up into a casual knot—everything about her screaming work mode. Still… doing the animations for whoever was on the project now? It made my chest ache, thinking about Veronica on communications with somebody else, a hot flare of jealousy even though that was the worst thing to feel.

I found myself staring as she got up to the counter and ordered, my heart pounding—I’d meant to text her, ask her to meet me here as a neutral ground, for her to make her case, but this was… I couldn’t make myself move, rooted to the spot staring with this aching sensation in my chest, torn between running away altogether and running into her arms and telling her I loved her and I wanted her, neither of which was exactly what I came here for. Oh, god. Why did my brain always shut down completely when she was around? She wassobeautiful. I melted into the seat, my heart beating faster and faster, and I strained to listen to her low voice talking to the barista—I didn’t care what they were saying, just small talk, something about how much Veronica had been working here on her laptop lately, but I just wanted to hear Veronica’s voice again, silky-smooth and sweet like melted chocolate.

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