Page 20 of A Conflict of Interest

I’d really, really, really needed that. I breathed out long and slow, nodding shakily, and I managed to type a reply.thank you… that really means a lot. I’ll let you drive, though, I need to take a shower and then I’m setting up another charcuterie board

ooh, send pics?

We’d done this the last couple of days, three nights now where I’d been too shy and awkward to broach the subject of the fact that I’d mistaken her for a man, and I’d just sit and talk to her for ages, always over a charcuterie board, partly about the work but mostly just about me… she didn’t talk a lot about herself, but she did talk about her work and the kinds of things she ran into working in an animation studio, and I could have listened to her stories forever.

I’d been letting myself daydream about inviting her to talk in person over a charcuterie board. I’d always send her pictures, and she’d tease me once it was getting really late that the charcuterie board was probably finished, and I’d go grab a single cracker to put it on the board and send her a picture sayingnooo look I’m still working on it!They were kind of our thing at this point.

And it was really nice to have that right now, as I took a shower and changed into something comfy and went about setting up a board and took a picture for her—I’d been practicing my technique with them over the last few days, between making them in the evenings and looking at Pinterest boards forinspirations in the daytime, and maybe I was desperate to prove I did know how to do things, because I really went all in on this one, and I felt proud of myself as I sent a picture.

I had a lot of the rosemary brie to get rid of, so ignore how much there is hahaha, I sent, trying to make light like I wasn’t totally angling for compliments, and she gave me exactly what I needed.

omg kelce,and then,you’ve really stepped up your game the last few days huh??

I’d been doing everything in my power to, but I was pretending I was modest.aahh idk do you think so??

I do, you’re making me want one

I wanted to say something likewell, come over now and you could have one,but… I wasn’t going to.did you have a nice drive?

absolutely awful. the roads are miserable and traffic is packed. but I got back and now I get to talk to you, so all is well.

Ugh… she was so good.Sogood that I couldn’t help myself wanting to know everything there was about her, and I sat in the couch, huddled up in the corner next to the balcony door and under the bundles of Christmas lights draped in the curtains, and I texted,nic, can I ask you something?

sure, anything you like

it’s gonna sound silly

hit me. I love silly

why didn’t you correct me all the times I referred to you as a man?

It took a while, my heart beating faster, and a few false starts and stops, before she replied.I guess I should have realized Danielson would mention it…

if you’re like a trans guy or something you can just let me know!! that’s okay too!!

nah… I’m a woman. sorry for being slippery.

I chewed my lip, nervous, hugging the blanket closer to me, and it took me a minute to type my reply.did you not want me to know?

It took her a long time to reply, enough I felt a little queasy and regretting broaching the subject, but I softened when I saw her response.I’m kind of insecure sharing things about myself… I have a lot of insecurities around being perceived having feelings and emotions and I think being mistaken for someone else makes me feel more secure talking about how I feel. I know that’s weird and kind of deceptive, so, I’m sorry.

Did… did that mean that these conversations were a safe refuge for her too? That she got to relax and say the things on her mind here like she couldn’t in the rest of her life? Because if that meant I was a valuable part of her life who helped make things nicer, than I wanted to spend the rest of my life hearing that on repeat.you don’t need to be sorry for anything!I sent.sorry if I burst your little anonymity bubble by digging up your true gender.

It took a while for her to send a reply that made my heart skip a beat.I like when you know things about me… I’m just still shy about myself.

I’m not judging you for anything. You can say and be and feel anything and it’s totally okay!

I don’t think you have it in you to judge anyone for anything… you’re probably the sweetest, loveliest person ever born.

I giggled, biting my lip in a flush of nervous excitement, the events of the day totally gone now, swept up in Nic.idk about that,I sent.I just threw my ex face-first into a Christmas tree and knocked it over and interrupted a big, serious event with some major investors

if it’s that Veronica girl, she deserves it,she sent.You’re probably making her think twice before she goes hurtingsomeone else, so that was a very sweet and generous thing for you to do.

I nestled further into the couch, softening into this perfect, warm feeling, and I sent,you’re just saying that bc you’re an enabler

hmmmmm… maybe but I stand by it

how is it that things just feel right and good and nice with you? even when things are messy and difficult they just feel better like this…

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