Page 28 of Twins for the Silver Foxes

If only therewas a way to have both. I’d never been happier than the three months we spent with Arthur, Ryland, and Scott. They’d treated me like a queen. Had I not found that picture, an item that placed so much doubt in my mind, an item that blew apart my fairy tale, I’d never have been able to leave.

My breath shortened.I had to stop thinking about them. They were not a solution to my problem. If anything, theyweremy problem.

Liddy kicked her feet.“I want to walk.” Thank goodness. My legs and arms ached from the dozen or so yards I’d carried her.

Our schedule continuedin the same pattern. Day after day, nothing changed except for Liddy. She thrived in her school environment, making friends and learning. She picked up the alphabet and numbers with ease after hearing me teach it last year. She loved all her classmates and looked forward to going to school every day.

By Halloween, she’d outgrown most of the clothes in her closet. The Christmas money I’d tucked away dwindled faster than I thought possible. Every time I saved a few bucks, an unexpected expense came along to eat away at the funds.

The approachingholidays caused anxiety to eat away at me. With every month that passed, my hopes of giving Liddy the Christmas I’d dreamed of whittled away to nothing.

I wokeearly one morning and stumbled to the bathroom as nausea cramped my stomach and sent me rushing to the toilet. I groaned and heaved, nose and throat burning. Great. I’d finally succumbed to the stomach flu that had struck my class a couple of weeks ago.

Liddy walkedto the edge of the bathroom door. She rubbed sleep from her eyes and grimaced. “Yuck.”

“Definitely.”I wiped my mouth with the back of my hand and sat my weak ass down on the threadbare rug beside the tub. “I need you to stay back, okay? Mama has the flu, and I don’t want you to get sick.”

Liddy tooka step backward and tucked her stuffed rhino beneath her chin. “What about breakfast?”

Oh God.My stomach twisted again and I bolted back to the toilet. A piece of cracked linoleum broke against my knee when I lunged and crashed with my hands on the toilet rim. When I looked up, Liddy stood beside my bed, her eyes wide. “Do you think you can get yourself breakfast from the cabinet?” I asked her. She had cereal bars and a few other quick foods that she could open for herself. “I’ll be here for a little while.”

“Should I call 911?”Liddy’s hand inched toward my phone.

“No, Liddy. It’s not an emergency. I’ll be okay soon. I promise.” Even as I talked, my stomach settled. The nausea faded, and a sudden, gnawing hunger took its place. Weird. I was never hungry in the mornings, especially not when a stomach virus was involved. Food poisoning? No. Liddy and I ate the same things yesterday, and she showed no signs of illness.

I checked my temperature,found it normal, and took inventory of my entire body. No sore throat, no aches, not even a headache. No cough or runny nose. What the hell was going on?

I managedto drag myself up and onto my feet. I’d sat on them so long pins and needles shot up my legs, forcing me to hold onto the sink until full feeling returned. Shadows ringed my bloodshot eyes, and a hollowness in my cheeks struck me into stillness.

The last timeI’d seen my face look like this I’d been pregnant with Liddy.No. The instant denial shot fear through my veins. I placed a trembling hand over my flat belly. A slight mound rested beneath my palm, just enough that I’d not noticed or attributed it to bloating due to my approaching period.

The sour stenchof my breath when I exhaled prompted a thorough brushing of teeth and mouth rinse, followed by scrubbing my face until it shone pink beneath the lights.

When was my last period?I never kept track because it was never regular. My birth control was supposed to help with that, but it was so spotty I’d learned to deal with it.

“Are you better?”Liddy peeked around the edge of the door.

Despite the seriousnessof the situation, I smiled. “I’m better for now. I might get sick again later, though. Or tomorrow. We’ll have to wait and see.” In the meantime, I needed a pregnancy test.

Thankfully, I had one under the sink. My OB/GYN insisted I take a pregnancy test every six months before she renewed my birth control. After years of going to the same doctor, plus the rising costs of healthcare and insurance, she’d allowed me to start using home tests and emailing her proof of the result.

“Liddy,can you get me a glass of water? I need to use the restroom, then I’ll come to the kitchen.” I closed the door and dug the test from its box beneath the sink. My hands shook so much it took three tries to tear open the packaging and put the stick in place.

It couldn’t have happened again.The universe was not that cruel. Or maybe she simply hated me and had determined my life to be a living hell. I framed my stomach with both hands and closed my eyes. A baby was not a catastrophe. My inability to afford said baby was the issue. I could barely make ends meet for me and Liddy.

“You don’t knowfor sure yet. No need to panic until the test is finished,” I quietly told myself before taking several deep, cleansing breaths. I’d left my phone in the bedroom, and counting in my head was useless since I kept stopping to allow myself to panic over and over again.

When I finally couldn’t take it anymore, I peeked one eye open and picked up the test.

Two pink lines.My throat convulsed. Pregnant. Again.

15

RYLAND

Life sucked.

I released a frustrated growl as I scrolled through my recent photos. “World’s gone to fucking hell. I want off this roller coaster ride before the whole thing catches fire.”

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