Page 19 of Dear John

I figured. I took a deep breath and sat back down. He was trying to be honest with me. Jumping down his throat wouldn’t help things. “Okay, so what are you thinking?”

“I’m thinking that I hate the senator and I don’t want to get dragged back into this. But I have a feeling that if I don’t do this, things are going to get even worse.”

“In what way?”

He shifted uncomfortably. “It’s work stuff.”

I stiffened at his non-answer.

“I swear to you, I would tell you, but this has to do with Cash. I don’t feel comfortable discussing this outside of work.”

I couldn’t blame him for that. Even if I didn’t understand his reasoning, I respected him for trying to maintain a level of professionalism. “Okay, so if you don’t do this, you’re saying more bad could come than good.”

“Possibly, but it could also be very dangerous.”

“For who?”

“Everyone,” he sighed, scrubbing a hand over his face. “It could be a fucking disaster.”

I chewed my lip as I thought about what he was saying. Without specifics, it was hard to determine what was the right move, so I went with the best thing I could think of. “I think you need to do what’s right.”

His eyes flicked to me in surprise.

Rolling my eyes, I bumped his shoulder. “I know you, Kavanaugh. You’re always going to stand up for what you believe is right. And if you don’t…it’s going to eat at you. So, win or lose, you need to follow your conscience.”

“Even if that makes things worse for us?”

“Could it?” I asked, uncertainty creeping into my voice.

“It could be very dangerous.” He blew out a harsh breath, which only set me on edge. “If I do this, you would need protection.”

“From who?” I asked, my body tensing.

“From whoever the fuck is out there fucking with Cash. The senator warned me, and that’s not something he’s likely to do unless he thinks we could be kicking a hornet’s nest. So, what do you really think?”

“Can I get back to you?” I laughed slightly. At his look, I knew this was something that needed to be decided sooner rather than later. “Okay, without knowing who or what would come after us, and knowing the senator and all his bullshit, and then mixing in all the bullshit going on at work…I still think you have to do what you feel is right.”

“No matter the consequences?”

Was I signing my own death warrant? Surely, it couldn’t be that bad. But he wouldn’t be warning me if it wasn’t. No, Kavanaugh was torn up over this, which meant it had to be bad. And if it was really that bad, who else was it affecting? Were other people in danger? How far did this go?

Still, if I wanted to be with Kavanaugh, I had to accept that this was his life. He was a protector and needed to do what he felt was right. Otherwise, he wouldn’t be Kavanaugh.

“No matter the consequences,” I finally answered.

He slid his arm around my back and pulled me against him, pressing his lips to mine in a slow, sweet kiss. His eyes flicked to mine and the heat built between us, but it was the words I could see in his eyes, the ones he had yet to say to me, though I was certain they lingered in every touch.

I pressed my hand to his cheek, hoping he could feel what I desperately wanted to say, but wasn’t ready to yet.

He wrapped his other arm around me, burying his face in my chest. I felt his grumble of disapproval as my shirt got in his way, but he didn’t attempt to take it off. Instead, he just sighed heavily and held me tighter.

I knew he would protect me with everything he had. But what concerned me most was the way my gut twisted as he held me. It was like he was preparing me for the worst, and something told me we just might not make it through to the end.

8

KAVANAUGH

I walkedinto the bar and scanned the room for Eli and Red. Back in the corner, they had a booth and beers waiting. I nodded to Mike as I passed, then slid in across from Red.

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