Page 10 of Dear John

“No sign of the ex?”

He didn’t look at me, but I saw the slight crinkle of his eyes, the way his jaw tensed at the mention of Shawn. “No, but then he wouldn’t call me, would he?”

“You tell me,” he said casually.

“Considering he’s in the hospital, I doubt I would be his first phone call. You wouldn’t happen to know anything about that, would you?” I asked accusingly.

His head slowly swiveled to face me. “Why would I know anything about your ex?”

I narrowed my eyes at him. “Because that’s what you do, right?”

“And if I did?”

I scoffed at the nonchalance in his tone. “If you did, you nearly killed him. I didn’t want that.”

“No? A man who claims to love you, yet has no problem laying his hands on you? That’s something you can forgive?”

“I didn’t say that,” I bit out.

“But you have a problem with me ensuring he could never hurt you again.”

“It wasn’t your choice to make! I have to live with what you did!”

He shrugged slightly, his gaze shifting back to the street. I wasn’t stupid. He was watching for threats, even if he was pretending he was just enjoying the morning air. “Seems a small price to pay to make sure the fucker never bothers you again.”

“Small price to someone like you who already has blood on his hands,” I snapped. “I’m not a murderer.”

“No one’s dead.”

“He might as well be,” I argued. “They don’t know if he’ll ever walk again.”

“I’d say the fucker deserved it.”

“But I’m the one who has to deal with those decisions. They may mean nothing to you, but I know who hurt him. I know it was because of me, and maybe he was okay with trying to kill me, but I’m not like him. I don’t take pleasure in knowing someone hurt him in my defense.”

He nodded slightly. “And would you feel the same way if I had killed him while he was trying to strangle the life from you? Would that make this all acceptable?”

I opened my mouth, but no words came out. The hypocrisy of the way I felt wasn’t lost on me. He’d run down Bowie, tried to kill my sister, and had very nearly succeeded in killing me. If it hadn’t been for IKE, he would have finished the job. I wouldn’t be sitting here this morning enjoying a cup of coffee.

“That’s what I thought.”

When I thought of what might have happened after he killed me…he would have moved on to Riley. She’d be dead also, and the only reason she wasn’t was because IKE had been there. Even now, IKE hadn’t killed him. He’d only put him in the hospital. He’d ensured that I was safe. Was I willing to live with that for the sake of knowing Shawn couldn’t hurt me?

I had to be okay with it.

“I…he would have killed me.”

“I know,” he said quietly.

“I never thanked you for saving my life.”

“I didn’t ask you to,” he grunted.

When I finally looked at him, I found him already staring at me, his deep blue eyes roaming over my face to look for signs of…something.

“I’m okay,” I said, trying to reassure him.

“Are you? Is that why you jumped at the sound of a car starting?”

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