Page 81 of Dear John

But I couldn’t say that. It was one thing to admit to Hudson how much I missed Ebarardo. It was an entirely different thing to tell him I was nothing without my husband. I could already feel the odd looks I would get, the desire for everyone to see me move on. They didn’t understand the hollow feeling in my chest now that he was gone.

“Come on,” Hudson said, grabbing me by the elbow and gently pulling me forward.

At first, I went along with it. It was nice to have someone tell me what to do. But as we grew closer to the gates of Reed Security, an overwhelming feeling of panic took over. “Why are we going to the gates?”

“We’re just stepping outside.”

“What?” I scrambled away from him, terrified of going past the boundaries. Those gates were there for a purpose—to keep me in and others out. No, Ebarardo would definitely not like this. “I don’t think we should do this.”

Oxygen ceased to exist in my body. Black spots filled my vision and my legs turned to jelly as Hudson pulled me forward. Didn’t he see my struggle? Didn’t he realize that I didn’t want to go outside those gates?

“Isabelle, I would never hurt you or put you in danger,” Hudson said, his voice steady as he forced me to look at him. “All we’re doing is taking two steps outside the gates. They won’t close and you can get back in, okay?”

Okay? Like I was supposed to be okay with breaking Ebarardo’s orders? None of this was okay. A small cry slipped through my lips as the doors opened and Hudson pulled me through.

Two steps, that’s all we took. I was past the gate. I was standing outside the borders that were meant to keep me locked up and safe. This panic was going to kill me if I didn’t fight past it. I closed my eyes and drew in a staggered breath. I let the wind breeze over my skin, cooling me and calming the panic growing inside me. Slowly, my fists unclenched, along with the tightness in my chest. I was outside the gates and nothing had happened. I was okay.

“Good?” Hudson asked.

I gave a shaky nod and looked at the road in front of me. I hadn’t looked at a paved road in…how long had it been? Since I was in college. I laughed slightly at the strange feeling that floated in me. I was standing outside my cage and…I was fine.

“This road goes into town,” he said, pointing to the left. “And if you go straight, you’ll head toward Pittsburgh. Have you ever been there?”

I shook my head. I had never been anywhere in my life other than the island and the town I grew up in. “What’s it like?”

He shrugged. “Nothing to write home about. But I’m biased. I like it in the country.”

“I liked my island.”

“What did you like about it?”

“The safety. No one could get to me. There was beauty all around me that I could see from my room. And…there were always guards. I never had to worry about where I needed to be because they would tell me what to do. Out here…I feel lost. It’s too vast.”

It was a bigger cage. Again, not something I could say. He would think I needed help if he knew how much I craved my cage on the island.

“Should we head back?”

I scratched absentmindedly at my wrist, feeling like bugs were crawling over me. “Yes, let’s go back.”

We turned and walked back through the gates and I didn’t look over my shoulder. With every step, the tension in my body fled. We were going back and everything would be fine.

Except, Ebarardo wasn’t here. I brushed away the tear trailing down my cheek before Hudson could see it. The pain of losing him was mine to bear.

28

ISLA

“I can’t believehe made you come with me,” I muttered under my breath as we walked into the building.”

I glanced over at the man, disgusted when he pulled what looked like frog legs out of a bag. “Well…” He paused to pop one of the disgusting things in his mouth. “You did tell him he wasn’t allowed to come to the meeting.”

“You’re not going in with me, are you?”

“He told me not to let you out of my sight.”

“Don’t you have one of those spy cameras you use on Anna?”

He whipped his head in my direction and frowned. “Did she find the latest one?”

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