Page 120 of Dear John

I could feel the anger rolling off Hudson, but he didn’t spout that rage at me. We just kept walking.

“He was just saving me, you know? I know nobody else sees that, but he was protecting me.”

“From what?”

“From everything. There’s so much out there that’s bad. When he saw me at the club, there was a guy there hitting on me. He might have drugged me and—Ebarardo told me that I wasn’t seeing the dangers around me, and when he brought that guy to my cell and showed me the pills he found on him…his plans for the evening weren’t good. If it weren’t for Ebarardo stepping in, I could have ended up on the news as the next girl found on the side of the road, raped and tortured to death.” I stopped and grabbed Hudson’s arm. “He saved me, Hudson.”

His eyes searched mine for a moment. I was positive he was going to yell at me or try to convince me of something else. Everyone else did. They didn’t see all Ebarardo did for me.

“Well?”

A frown creased his brow. “Well, what?”

“Aren’t you going to yell at me? To tell me how wrong I am about Ebarardo? He was good to me!” I shouted. “He was there for me when no one else was! And now he’s gone.” My breath caught in my throat as a sob tore up my throat. “He kept me safe and protected and now—and now he’s gone,” I cried.

I buried my face in my hands, feeling the same devastation I felt the moment I realized my husband was dead. Arms wrapped around me, giving me comfort when no one else would. I gripped the lapels of his jacket and pulled him closer, crying harder as his arms tightened around me.

He didn’t understand. How could he? The man I was supposed to spend my life with was gone. No one could make that better, and no one tried to understand what this was like for me. They just wanted me to forget him.

“I can’t,” I whispered. “I can’t forget him.”

“I know.” His voice rumbled through me, offering me comfort I couldn’t find anywhere else. My brother—this man who was so hard and unyielding—was the only one who understood what this was like for me.

Swiping the tears from my face, I stared up into his dark eyes and realized he really did know.

“I saw Kate die,” he said, his voice low and distant. “It wasn’t real, but I didn’t know that. And the devastation I felt…it tore my soul in two. There was nothing anyone could say or do to help me move on. Even my kids…I just couldn’t,” he admitted.

Clearing his throat, he pried himself away from me, swiping his hand under his nose. “No one can tell you how to move on. There is no one right way to move on without the person you thought you would be with the rest of your life.”

His words were so honest and raw. He truly felt these things. They weren’t empty words meant to help me get past Ebarardo. I gripped his hand in mine and his eyes flicked to me in shock. I very rarely purposely touched another person, but I wanted to thank him in some way, and the words just weren’t enough.

I looked back at Reed Security, realizing I could hardly see it in the distance. I couldn’t believe how far we’d walked today, but it felt right. Breathing in the cool air was refreshing instead of stifling. And for the first time in a long time, I smiled at Hudson.

“I think I’m ready to go home.”

43

KNIGHT

The door toIsabelle’s room closed and I turned away, fighting the nausea swirling in my stomach. After forcing myself to listen to the reality she lived day in and day out, all I wanted was a shower to wash away the disgust I felt. She actually believed Ebarardo rescued her. I already knew it, but to hear her tell me so blatantly that he was her everything was more than difficult to listen to. But someone had to do it.

“Please don’t keep feeding her delusions,” Claire said, walking out of the kitchen with a towel in her hands. She was wringing it like she was about to strangle someone.

“I’m not.”

“You are. You think you’re helping by taking her out and letting her talk to you, but you’re confirming what she feels.”

I gritted my teeth in anger, staring at the woman who fought so hard to get her daughter back, yet was so delusional about what was really going on here.

“You’re right. I am confirming her feelings.”

Her eyes lit with fire as she rushed me. “That monster took her away from me for thirteen years. I won’t allow you to?—”

“Allow me?” I hissed. “Do you have any fucking clue what’s going on in her head?”

“Yes!” she snapped. “And the idea that Zavala saved her needs to be eliminated.”

“With time?—”

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