Page 110 of Dear John

It was strange how quickly our energy had depleted. Even breathing felt difficult. My muscles ached painfully from the cold, but at least pressed against IKE, it didn’t feel quite so bad.

When the song ended, I looked around at all the decorations we put up in the container. It was beautiful and made our graveyard a little less scary. At least we were surrounded by the feeling of peace.

If a tear could have slipped down my cheek, it would have. There was so much I was going to miss out on, so many things I would never get to do. But I thanked God I didn’t have any kids. At least I wasn’t thinking about missing out on time with them. But Riley…I was pretty sure this would break her. I didn’t want to think about all the things we planned to do together but hadn’t yet gotten to.

“What are you thinking about?” IKE’s voice rumbled.

“Riley.”

“You’ll see her again.”

A hint of laughter left my lips. “You still believe that?”

He didn’t answer this time. There was no point in lying.

“Is there anything you wish you had done?”

“Yeah.” The single word tore through the silence like a razor.

Surprised at the rough admission, I swiveled my head to face him, staring at him questioningly. “What would you have done?”

“I wouldn’t have sat back and watched you from my fucking car.”

His words rattled my brain. I didn’t understand what he was saying. “You watched me?”

Even in the darkness, I could see the truth in his eyes. “Every fucking minute I could. After I beat the hell out of your ex when we first met, I couldn’t stay away. I knew it was fucking wrong, but…I needed to see you.”

I pushed up on my weak hand and searched his eyes for the truth. “You were in the gray car.”

“Guilty.”

“But…you were there the day I moved in.”

“Like I said, I had to see you.”

I didn’t understand. He was watching me the whole time. He was following me around, watching over me. That’s how he was there the day of the explosion in my fridge. “Why?”

“To make sure you were safe.”

“No, I get that, but…why?”

His fingers skimmed across my cheek as he cocked his head at me. “Because I knew that first night I met you that I had to see you again. And when I did—I was never any fucking good for you.”

I swallowed hard, trying to take this all in. He had been following me, watching me. It should feel like an invasion of privacy, but somehow, it wasn’t. Why was it different with him than with Kavanaugh? I didn’t understand, and I wasn’t sure now was the time for a revelation like this.

“But…I thought you hated me.”

A small smirk tilted his lips. “Self-preservation. You were with Kavanaugh. I missed my chance. It was easier to pretend I didn’t want to be around you. It was why I agreed to take you home after the explosion. Do you think it was easy to have you in my house wearing my shirt? I tried to deny it even then.”

“I—I don’t know what to say.”

“There’s nothing to say, Isla. I missed my chance, and now we’re here,” he said, his eyes wandering around the darkness. “Seems a fitting way for me to go, but you…” His eyes slid back to mine and he stared at me intently. “This never should have happened to you. I should have protected you.”

“It wasn’t your job to protect me,” I whispered. “It wasn’t anyone’s.”

Again, a smile touched his lips. The look in his eyes nearly made me melt. “Sweetheart, protecting you isn’t a job. It never was.”

I swallowed down his admission, my eyes drifting to his lips. When he kissed me last, I hadn’t wanted it. I was consumed with guilt by how right it felt. But now…we were going to die. I knew that much. I pressed my hand to his chest and leaned in, but he stopped me, cupping my cheek in his large hand.

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