Page 21 of On the Double

“And I could grind up shawarma and put it inside. Talk about a protein smoothie.”

“What is shawarma?”

It was the stupidest question I ever asked. The man practically pulled me across the counter to tell me all about shawarma. “And then it’s made on a spit and you cut it off as it cooks. Tender and juicy…it’s the most amazing thing you’ll ever try!”

“Can we move this along?” the man behind him said. “He cut in line and now he’s talking about food! Some of us have places to be!”

“You know where you should be?” Fox asked. “Getting avocados. They’re a delicious fruit.”

“And apparently, there’s a war going on over them,” I added, unsure why I was joining the conversation aside from the fact that this man was so animated, it was hard not to be involved.

“Harper!” my boss shouted, marching over to me. “What is going on here?”

I looked at the conveyor belt of avocados that were rolling around as Fox tried to gather them and keep them from hitting the ground. “Um…it appears there’s an avocado shortage.”

“An avocado shortage?” a woman called out from the line behind me.

“Well, technically, it’s not a shortage. It’s more like a run on a bank.”

“What bank?” the man behind her said, his voice laced with panic. “It better not be First National!”

Wow, that didn’t come across the way I expected. “It’s not really a run on a bank. I was comparing a run on a bank with avocados. See, this man is buying all the avocados.”

“But why?”

I didn’t even know who shouted that. “Because of the avocado wars in Mexico.”

“Harper, your job is not to spread social awareness about the avocado wars. You are simply supposed to scan the items, bag them, and take the customer’s money!”

“Hey, I didn’t start this conversation. I’m merely explaining why all the avocados are disappearing.”

“Shouldn’t there be a limit on the number he can buy?” a woman asked. “What if I want to make my famous salad? How am I supposed to do that now?”

“Then I guess you should have bought them sooner!” Fox yelled at the growing line.

“He can’t just take all the avocados! Other people need them!”

“Actually, you need things like toilet paper and water,” Fox corrected, then snorted. “Can you imagine if there was a run on toilet paper? Now, that would be hilarious.”

“What about the toilet paper?” an old gentleman asked. “There’s no more?”

“There’s no more toilet paper?” someone shrieked.

My boss raised his arms, trying to quiet down the chaos. “Everyone, I can assure you there’s plenty of toilet paper!”

“I’m getting mine now!”

“I only have two rolls left at home!”

“The next store isn’t for another fifteen miles!”

A stampede of elderly and young alike raced out of the line and toward the back corner of the grocery store where the toilet paper was located. Shelves were knocked over, women and children were screaming, Little Debbie Snack Cakes were crushed under the boot of the working man. Just as quickly as the line had backed up, there was now no one here aside from my fantasy man and his insane avocado friend.

And my boss, who was glaring daggers at me.

“Harper?”

I winced at the bite in his voice. “Yes?”

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