Page 53 of Baby Bodyguard

“I’m thirty-one, not eleven.”

“Listen to me, Sami. You’re a smart woman. Unfortunately, at an impressionable age, you watched your mother lose the man she adored. And then you watched as she flung herself from marriage to marriage trying to recapture what she’d shared with your father. No wonder you’re terrified of making that sort of commitment.”

She shook her head. “Even if I found a man I could love, there aren’t any guarantees. I’m as likely to lose him through divorce as death.”

“You’re right. Life doesn’t come with guarantees.” He released his breath in a long sigh. “Look, Iunderstand that you’re afraid. You’re afraid of opening your heart and giving all the love trapped inside. You’re sure the person you choose to love will either die or leave you.”

“Yes!”She pushed him away and escaped the window seat. “There. Are you satisfied now? I’m afraid. It’s safer to stay single and avoid all that.”

“Do you think Babe would have avoided falling in love with your father if she’d had the choice? Do you think if she’d known in advance what would happen, she’d have refused to marry him?”

“I haven’t a clue.”

“Yes, you do. Idon’t know Babe as well as you, and yet I can say without any hesitation that she’d have gone through with the marriage, no matter what the cost in the end.”

“You can’t be certain of that.”

“Yes, Ican. Damn it, Sami. Why the hell do you think she’s married so many times?” He didn’t wait for an answer. “It’s because she’s still looking. She wants love in her life again. Sure, she’s made mistakes. But she must think they’re worth it if it means finding the sort of love she had with your father.”

Sami’s mouth set in a stubborn line. “That’s fine for Babe. I’ve made a different choice.”

“One that’s based on fear.” He stopped her before she could interrupt. “It isn’t love you’re afraid of. It’s loss. Think about it, Sami. Let’s say you go ahead with your plan to have a baby. Will you handle the loss of that child any better than you’d handle the loss of a husband?”

She stared at him, stricken.

“Don’t you see? It wasn’t just your father who died in that accident. Nancy died, too. Ithink you’re having this baby so you can move forward with your life. To pick up, emotionally, where you left off all those years ago. But you’ll never be able to do that until you face your fear and let go of it. You have to allow yourself to love without limits or conditions. Otherwise, fear will always keep you emotionally stunted.”

“You’re wrong!”

“Am I? What happens when that baby turns one?” he demanded. “Will you panic every time you’re in the car with her? And what if she survives until she’s two? You’ll think, ‘Phew, she lived longer than Nancy.’ But then your imagination will come up with a whole new scenario, awhole new set of fears andworries and dangers that could hurt your child. You’ll go from one fear to the next to the next. And you’ll instill those fears in your child. You won’t mean to, but it’ll happen. That’s what fear does to you. Don’t you see? You don’t really want a baby.”

“How can you say that?”

“Because I’ve watched you. I’ve listened to you. Iknow what’s in your heart. Whether you’re willing to admit it or not, you want a complete family. One that will replace what you lost. That’s why you were looking for the perfect father for your baby. Because he’ll also be the perfect husband for you.” He gathered her in his arms, searching for the words to convince her. “You’re sweet and generous and kind. You open your home to strangers, trying to help them in every way you can. You’re the most loving person I’ve ever met and yet when it comes knocking on your door, you push it away with both hands.”

“No, Idon’t. And I can prove it to you.” She encircled his neck with her arms. “Make love to me, Noah. Right now.”

He shut his eyes, agonizing over the choice before him. “Why do you want me, Sami? It isn’t like we’ve received the all-clear from the doctor.”

“I don’t care what the doctor has to say!”

“Maybe you want to practice for the main event. Is that it?” Wordlessly, she shook her head. His voice dropped, coaxing the truth from her. “Then is it because you’re afraid? Any port in the storm?”

“No, no andno.”Frustration edged her voice, but he refused to make it easy forher.

Releasing her, he stepped back and folded his arms across his chest. “Tell me why and make it the truth.” He forced himselfto wait her out, fighting the overriding urge to sweep her off her feet and carry her to hisbed.

“Noah, please!” Her throat worked with painful desperation and it took three tries before she found the right words. “It’s because we’re incomplete on our own. Because together we’re whole.”

It was as close to a commitment as he’d likely get. He’d thrown some hard punches tonight and she’d taken them without flinching. She hadn’t ordered him out or refused to listen. She hadn’t liked what he’d said, but she’d stuck by him. That meant something. It hadto.

“If I were smart, I’d kiss you goodnight and keep my hands to myself.” His mouth curved in a self-mocking smile. “If I were really smart, I’d get the hell out of here now. Before it’s too late.”

“I hope to heavens that means you’re not going to be smart.” Her eyes were as luminous as the lights dotting the bay. “Otherwise, you’ll force me to take drastic action.”

That caught his attention. “What sort of drastic action?”

“I’d have to seduce you.”

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