Then she slept so fitfully, waking for long stretches and listening hard for noises of someone breaking into the ranch, that she was totally wrung out by the time dawn lightened the sky.
The glow she’d come to look forward to seeing through the blinds every day was dimmer this morning. Back in her last apartment in New York City, she had barely peeked outside, too afraid of someone standing on the street outside her building seeing her and handing her over to William.
Getting brave enough to peek out now took an act of will, but she managed to hook her finger in the blind and draw it away from the glass to look out.
The day was definitely gray, a heavy bank of clouds on the horizon. It swallowed the mountain, making the view blurred.
Like her life felt.
There were so many ups and downs, she could barely keep up. One minute she was having a fine dining experience with Oaks and the next dark shadows crept up on them and her whole world blackened again.
She had to tell him. Everything.
She rolled out of bed and took a few minutes in the bathroom brushing her hair and teeth. Then she walked out of the bedroom to find Oaks.
Her husband. Even if the union wasn’t totally real, he’d come to help her. She had an obligation to him, as he did to her. For the time being, they were bound to one another.
When she entered the kitchen, the scent of fresh-brewed coffee hit her nose and the burble of the machine filling the pot sounded too loud in her ears. In some other part of the house, she heard a person moving around, getting ready for their day.
At the table, Oaks sat in one of the chairs, his elbows on the wood and his head bowed.
“Oaks.”
He looked up at her. The state of his appearance worried the hell out of her. If she looked like she hadn’t slept, he appeared to have stayed awake thanks to too many cans of caffeinated energy drinks.
His eyes were bloodshot. The creases around his eyes that she found so attractive… Well, she still found them attractive. But they were deeper.
He shoved his chair back and walked over to the coffeemaker. He poured two mugs and brought both to the table.
“Thank you.” She wrapped her hands around the mug. Her mind weighed the situation. Was he angry with her? He had cause to be. Her choice to withhold information placed him in danger, and hadn’t kept her any safer.
He returned to the refrigerator for the glass jug of milk. He brought it back and poured some into his mug. She didn’t take sugar in her coffee, but there was a jar with a spoon on the table, so she reached for it.
When he plunked into the seat across from her, she felt the annoyance swelling off him in waves.
“Look, Oaks…I owe you an apology.”
He eyed her.
“The only way I can ever be safe is to get the information I have to my handler. Otherwise, William will keep trying to get what I have on him. He’ll keep trying until I get this information into the right hands.”
“Who is this handler, Shiloh?”
“My first handler was a man. I never knew his name and only met with him once. I explained what was happening with William, and he set up a time with me to deliver the information to him. But he never showed up. Then a woman who said she was his superior called.”
He peered at her closer. “What ishername? Do you know it?”
Now that she’d brought it up, the name got trapped in her throat. After months and months of keeping everything to herself, confiding in no one, she might not be able to force out the words now.
“Give me the name, Shiloh.”
She added sugar to her coffee, then nervously dumped in another spoonful.
“Dammit. The name.” His jaw tensed. She could almost hear the tendons in his jaw creaking.
He glanced down at what she was doing. “Are you going to take six sugars in your coffee today?”
“Ugh.” She pushed the mug away and looked him in the eyes. She could trust him. He’d given her no reason not to.