Page 124 of Hard Knot

"I studied hard! 4.0 GPA! Made my parents damn proud! The world was my oyster and I was going to get everything I worked my ass for. I was going to graduate with honors, get my PhD, and finally tell James I loved him! W-We were going to get married and have kids and live a normal fucking life!"

The tears come faster now, mixing with the shower spray until I can barely breathe.

"But no! Being an Omega ruined EVERYTHING! Do you know what it's like?" My fingers dig deeper into their throat as I shake them. "To have your entire future ripped away because some…some ANIMALS couldn't control themselves?"

The memories flood back, unstoppable now:

The leader's red hair, dark with sweat.

The concrete floor scraped my skin raw.

The others holding me down.

Taking turns.

The sound of my screams echoing off unfinished walls.

The way they laughed when I begged them to stop.

My voice gave way until my silent pleas fell on deaf ears.

"They took everything!" The words pour out between sobs. "My dignity, my future, my choice. I couldn't even look at myself in the mirror for months! Couldn't wash away their touch no matter how hard I scrubbed! The bruises tainted my arms, I had to cover them with fucking tattoos!"

My legs give out, but I maintain my grip on their throat, dragging them down with me as I sink to the shower floor.

Why couldn’t I have that strength facing them?

Why hadn’t I prepared myself to fight those fuckers who were double my size?

Why was I so pitifully weak?!

"And the worst part?" My voice drops to a whisper, barely audible over the rushing water. "The worst part is that my body responded. Because that's what Omegas do, right? We're just sluts in heat, begging to be fucked, to be claimed, to be RUINED!"

The last word comes out as a scream that tears my throat raw.

My grip loosens because my raw hand can barely respond as it throbs with pain.

“Then I’m sent here like some mocking punishment. Like I’m supposed to accept some random pack of men after a set of men who didn’t even know my name raped me…again…and again…and…” I trail off because I’ve never dared reveal the words to anyone.

Why am I saying it now? It doesn’t even matter…no one cares…

Yet, I can’t stop.

“So I pushed them all away. Not my type. Not my taste. Ugly. Rude. Bullies in the flesh. Nothing would satisfy me. No one would be allowed to come near me. I’d stay here as long as I had to, even if it meant I was forgotten. Even if I was left in an initiation state because I can’t even get a pack to learn my name before I cast them out.” My laugh is hollow, bordering on hysterical. "Because the moment I let myself feel something…the moment I dare to want someone..all I can feel is THEM! Their hands, their breath, their…"

I choke on the words, gagging on memories that taste like bile.

"Three at first…and then there were five of them," I whisper, the confession like acid on my tongue. "Five of them took turns, encouraging their friends to come and watch. Told me I should be grateful…that they were teaching me what I was made for. That this was natural. That this was what Omegas were FOR!"

My grip loosens slightly as exhaustion starts to seep in, but the words won't stop.

"I couldn't tell anyone. Who would believe me? The perfect student, the girl who challenged James Morrison at every turn…reduced to a whimpering Omega in heat? They'd say I asked for it. My skirt was too short. My hair provocative and pretty. The lipstick on my lips too attractive to ask for men’s control, or myhips too wide. My legs too long, and my ass to big. I should be fat and unattractive because that would be the key to stopping them right? At the end of the day, I’m the problem. That I wanted it. That it was just my nature finally showing through."

The tears come harder, wracking my body with sobs that feel like they might tear me apart.

"So I ran. Left everything behind. My future, my friends, James…because how could I face any of them knowing what I'd become? What they'd made me into?"

My fingers finally release their throat as the fight drains out of me, leaving me empty and even colder with the cold water still pouring down.

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