Page 111 of Hard Knot

That part of me that always self-sabotaged my friendships and relationships with practically anyone.

"Stop being a child."

Three words.

That's all it had taken to shatter the fragile restraint holding Carter back. He'd crossed the room in two long strides, and I'd felt the displacement of air as his fist drew back.

I brace for the inevitable, not even flinching at the sense of danger. I’m used to the abuse, recalling the pain I’ve felt in the past, long before my sight was temporarily stolen from me. I know this reaction is my fault, and I’m not acting as if I’m not the true instigator of all this madness and constant misunderstanding, but I can’t seem to control this rollercoaster of ruin.

To always push everyone away until no one is left…

I’m surprised Carter and Felix have lasted the longest, despite every attempt I’ve made for them to stay far away from me, but maybe I’ve finally pushed them to their limit.

All because of an Omega and they’re ready to give it all up…

Felix had moved faster than I'd expected, catching Carter's arm and saying something in rapid Italian that made Carter's breath hitch. Whatever the words were, they'd cut through his rage like a blade through silk.

"Non vale la pena di rovinare tutto. Non per orgoglio, non per rabbia. Pensa a lei."

It's not worth ruining everything. Not for pride, not for anger. Think of her.

The smoothly spoken Italian translates in my mind a lot slower than I’d like, but it proves once again, that I’m only spared because of someone.

Abercrombie.

The memory fades, leaving me alone with the echo of those words and the maddening sound of Elizabeth's voice haunting my mind.

Think of her.

As if I've thought of anything else since she first walked into my office, scenting of pure sweetness and projecting a taste of defiance that made my whole body sing with lust. All of that reaction without having the privilege to see her beyond this blindfold, and yet my body had and still is reacting to everything revolving around her.

It’s been challenging, and I hate admitting to myself that I’m struggling on so many levels. As if I haven't spent every moment since then fighting the urge to claim her, to mark her, to make hermine, too.

They all think I don’t have the intention of wanting Elizabeth, but how wrong they are. None of them could ever understand what I was dealing with.

How high the bounty on my head really is.

This is all for their sake. For the better outcome…even if it means being painted as the villain, again and again. I’ve come to the conclusion that I don’t care.

Yet…am I really okay with letting her go?

The truth hits me once again, like a plague of bricks that fall upon me without warning.

She was never meant to be mine, was she?

She belongs to someone else — hasalwaysbelonged to another, even if neither of them knew it. James’ appearance couldn't be simply an accident. He had to be planning this.Waiting for the opportunity to finally reveal himself after all these eons.The way Morrison touched her, the casual possession in his voice when he called her "my Eli"... it spoke of a history I couldn't compete with.

Wouldn'tcompete with…

I’m completely out of my league, disability or not.

I’ve already fucked everything up and we haven’t dove into the school curriculum. No point in trying to save things now.

Better to maintain this distance, this carefully constructed facade of indifference. Better to let them think I don't care, that I'm just being difficult out of pride or stubbornness.

This resolution is better than admitting the truth.

From the moment she knelt between my legs, those full lips wrapped around my cock, and victory gleaming in her eyes, I knew I was lost.

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