Page 3 of Hard Knot

Get lost in the music and the emotion, Elizabeth.

Cancel out the noise.

Years of muscle memory guide my limbs into place – back straight, chin lifted, arms gracefully curved. In the mirror-lined walls of Hard Knot Academy's performance hall, I catch glimpses of my reflection — the forbidden tattoos visible through my white mesh dance top like shadows of past rebellion.

They still bring me pride, especially when the rest of the world despises their existence against my peachy flesh.

I can hear them whispering in the wings, their voices carrying easily to me as I wait for the music to commence. It’s a ballad of an intro that carries haunting traits to its melody. “Do You See Me Now,” from the show Sweetpea.

How I love incorporating tidbits of my joys in music and horror into my lifestyle.

Laughter in an attempted muffle of giggles and shushes pierces through the potential silence, but I remain still and calm– my face a mask like a porcelain doll. I wouldn’t let anything crack the perfection of my mannequin-like face with my painted dark red lips that give off the projected theme for the challenging dance.

They think they're being subtle, these pristine Omegas with their perfectly pressed uniforms and regulation-length hair. Their envy is so obvious, while they do everything in their power to state how ugly and imperfect I must be to think I can stand on the same stage as them.

I almost want to laugh.

The music begins, with the haunting beats that have a repetitive beat in the background and a choir-like build of voices. My body moves on instinct, having done this routine for so many days in a row, I can do it with my eyes closed.

Or maybe I am without realizing it.

I embrace the darkness temporary blindness brings. A privilege in my mind to be able to open my eyes and see the beauties of this world, despite it being so cruel to an Omega like me.

An outcast at best.

Closing my eyes only heightens the world around me — a comfort I seem to gain haven from when I get lost in the music building around me.

A senior used to tell me that dance is far more healing than many think.

To simply get lost in the movement without needing to think. To dare allow your body to be free in this tangled web of mesmerizing serenity. We take advantage of what our body can do in our youth, and when we’re slowly stripped of that ability due to the various challenges Omegas face…

Well…you begin to feel like a trapped dove in a gilded cage.

The lyrics begin to echo through the vast hollow space, and how I’ve repeated these words in my mind again and again asif this is my anthem in this sinister world of repetition and rejection.

“Swallow my tongue. Back of my throat. Like it’s finite. Only so long I can chew till I choke.”

I push deeper into accentuating each executed move, making sure when I do have to make eye contact with the crowd, it’s solely on those with pens in their grasp and clipboards propped in anticipation for their plentiful commentary of judgment.

“Hide in plain sight. What have you done? My rabbit run. Caught in the headlights.”

My flowing hands follow with twirls and leg lifts.

"Look at her, trying so hard." The voice belongs to a first-year, still shiny and new. "The Mangy Wolf, still howling for attention."

I focus on my breathing, on the familiar stretch of muscles as I maintain my position. The three judges at their table watch me with cold, assessing eyes, red pens hovering over their scoring sheets like weapons ready to strike.

Motivation.

The haunting chorus notes of "Do You See Me Now" fill the space, and I let the music flow through me as the words echo with so much merit.

My favorite part.

“And I’m bigger?now. And I’m bigger?now. So say my name like I’m 10 feet tall. Bow your head like I’m royal.”

Bow down to this Forgotten One. As I’m a royal of gold none of you pretty pennies can touch.

My body moves with practiced precision, each gesture a statement of defiance wrapped in classical grace. I execute an arabesque, feeling the perfect line of energy from my lifted foot through my extended fingertips.

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