“Then why are you telling me this now?” he repeated his earlier question.
“Because I think Mars is interested in something happening and—”
He scoffed and shook his head, interrupting me again. “Of course he’s interested. He’s had a crush on you since he first discovered his dick, Dad.”
“He what?” I hadn’t picked up on any such thing until he came to stay with me a few weeks ago. Of course I’d barely seen him at all since the boys graduated high school ten years ago.
“Yeah, but just because he has a crush on you and you’re bi or whatever doesn’t mean you should go there. When he was a kid, his mom was really controlling in this weird, non-controlling kind of way. It’s hard to explain, but he didn’t have rules growing up. They’re allgo-with-the-flowfree-thinkers out at the ranch, or at least that’s the way it appears on the surface, but there were also all these expectations.”
“What kind of expectations?” I asked.
“You’d have to ask Mars. It’s his story to tell, not mine, but it was very much expected that he would follow the same path his mother had followed. Then, after he moved to town to live with his aunt, there was a whole different set of expectations. Of course, then she died and left him the shop, so now he’s on that path.”
“I thought he loved the shop.” Nothing I’d heard from Mars had ever given me the impression that he didn’t want to be running The Chrysalis Moon.
“He says he does, but I don’t know if he loves it or if he feels obligated to run it. But the point is, he’s never had an opportunity to figure out what he wants.”
“And you think I wouldn’t give him that opportunity?” Even though there wasn’t anything going on between us, it hurt to think that my son thought I wouldn’t want the very best for Mars.
“You’re bossy, Dad. You always think you know best, and once you get an idea in your head, you aren’t very flexible, and Mars is a people pleaser. I think you would steamroll him into doing whatever you wanted, and he would let you. He isn’t like Mom. He isn’t good at sticking up for himself.”
“You think that’s what happened between me and your mom? That I tried to steamroll her, and she stuck up for herself?” He shrugged, and I shook my head. “Steven, we’ve talked about this. Your mother is my best friend… has been since we were teenagers. Was I too bossy for her liking? Maybe so, but that wasn’t why we divorced. We divorced because we weren’t good together as a married couple, and she deserved more.”
We’d told him all this when we split up, but apparently, he needed to hear it again as an adult instead of as an eleven-year-old whose parents did their best to explain why they were divorcing.
“I wanted her to find someone who would love her the way she deserved to be loved. Someone who would look at her the way you look at Roxy. It’s that simple. I was never going to be that man, but Carlos is.”
“Look, what happened between you and Mom isn’t what we’re talking about. We’re talking about you and Mars.”
“And I told you there’s nothing going on.”
“Right, and you just decided now was a good time to tell me you were bi for absolutely no reason then?”
“No, not for no reason. Because I need to tell Mars, and I didn’t want him to feel like he had to keep it a secret from you.”
He cocked his head to one side and looked at me like he was trying to figure out what I wasn’t saying.
“Why do you need to tell Mars if nothing’s going on?”
“Because he’s made it pretty clear he’s interested, and if I’m going to explain to him why nothing is going to happen between us, I feel like I need to be completely honest with him. Which meant I needed to tell you first.”
I guess that answer satisfied him because he nodded and then gave me a familiar little smart-ass smirk that I hadn’t seen since he was a teen.
“So, men, huh? Roxy has a friend—”
I put out a hand in a stop gesture. “Nope, not going there. I don’t need your help finding a date. I’m doing just fine.”
Mars
After Mika and I made it back to the shop, I made a decision. I was just going to spend the night at the shop. The last thing I wanted was for Samuel to be uncomfortable in his own home, but I wasn’t in a good place just yet to laugh off the hottest kiss of my life as a joke to make him feel better. I needed a couple of days before I could get to that place.
Besides, the Samhain drumming was coming up, and I had plenty of work to do, especially since I’d wasted half the day looking for a place to live.
I was just about to text Samuel to say I wouldn’t be home when I got a text from him.
Samuel:Hey, sorry I had to head out early this morning. We got a potential lead on the arsonist. Anyway, I’m leaving work now since I went in so early. Want me to pick up some Thai food for dinner?
I reread the message twice. They had a lead on the arsonist. Samuel actually did have to leave this morning, and he wasn’t avoiding me. So maybe things wouldn’t have to be awkward after all. Maybe things could go back to normal until I could find a place.