Page 24 of Odette's Vow

He always liked when I was inquisitive.

“We’ve all noticed the men are angrier, meaner. Not like they were even three months past. It is as if the straw that broke the camel’s back has finally landed. It’s not like when the men were chasing glory. This is a …” I searched for the word. “...Frustratedkind of anger. And some of them are taking it out on the women.”

“I know,” he said quietly.

“Are you not going to do something about it?”

“What would you have me do, Odette? They’re men. Their very nature is to fight, feed, and fuck.”

“It seems to me they are getting plenty of all of that.”

“Yes, but they – we – are losing on the battlefield,” he growled. “Day after day, we gain ground only to lose it. We cut down Trojan after Trojan, only for more to pour out of the gates of Troy. Every day, the men lose their friends and brothers in arms. Every day is the same mindless monotony, as war is prone to be.”

“They knew what they were signing up for.”

“I’m not entirely sure all of them realised the full scope of what it would entail.” He thrust a hand through his hair. I would be due to give him one of his haircuts soon.

I held my ground, my arms folded now. “And the women should suffer for this because …?”

“They shouldn’t. But if foolish men can’t win one fight, they’ll pick another they know they can win against a smaller opponent. It’s in their nature.”

“Men like to blame a lot on the laws of nature, while they pillage the natural world around them.”

“Will you continue to nag me all night, or will you provide a solution to your quandary?”

I uncrossed my arms and rubbed my hands together, before leaning back to grip the makeshift table behind me. He had to see me as open, willing, vulnerable. That was the only way he would listen.

We’d had similar discussions in the past, when the letter reading had turned to more heated, philosophical debates. I had learnt that when Odysseus was cornered, when his intelligencewas threatened, it was the boar that I would meet. He would snarl and storm off, only to return much later in the night. But, when I was open, vulnerable … it was as if his mind placed me in a certain category. His protective instincts rose to the fore, and often whatever I suggested became an idea planted in his mind that would bloom.

Such an exhausting game it was, playing the willing slave.

“The men are frustrated at the lack of results, yes?”

Odysseus nodded. “Essentially.”

“Then you must give them something productive. Useless, but productive; something that yields results. That’s what we do, what we used to do, when we had the children count the wheat grains before they were grounded.”

Odysseus looked at me for a moment, and I saw the calculation behind his eyes.

“Just a suggestion,” I shrugged, turning back to the meagre food preparations.

He stayed quiet for a minute or so, as was his custom when he was working through something in his head. Then I heard him stand. It was not surprising to me when he came to place his empty cup beside me.

Whatdidsurprise me was how close he stood behind me. I could feel his body heat radiating between us as he leaned in and muttered in my ear. “You are cleverer than half the generals I have to work with, you know that?”

His hands brushed my shoulders gently as he held me in place and pressed a quick kiss to my cheek before releasing me and striding out of the tent.

I lifted my fingertips to my cheek, where the skin still tingled from the bristles of his beard.

Alcander had always been clean-shaven, at my insistence. I had always thought the coarseness of a beard would be too itchy,too unpleasant. But I found myself thrilled at the tingle, at how soft his lips were compared to the harshness of his beard.

How quick it had been – I hadn’t even realised what he was doing. My focus had been on his hands at my shoulders, at the close proximity of him.

I wondered why he’d done it.

But what I wondered at more – something I immediately found so horrifying I had to push it down below any other thoughts or feelings I’d had since coming to this camp – was how utterly normal it had felt.

The next day,when I woke, the morning sounds were different to what I was used to. Scrambling into my tunic and quickly tying my hair into a loose plait, I hurried outside to see the men all marching towards the dais.

---