Page 9 of Kings and Monsters

Merlin wrapped an arm around her shoulders, "I know,cefndr. We are both rather helpless in our heartache, aren't we?"

"You're so much calmer about it than I am," Rosa sighed.

"Ha! That's because you haven't learned to read the signs when I'm ready to destroy everything." Merlin took out his tobacco pouch and rolled them both cigarettes.

"Have you been able to see them at all? In the flames?" Rosa asked.

"I haven't been game enough to try. The queen has so many wards, I worry that any interference from me would make it worse for them," he admitted. "I'm sorry you have to go through this, Rhosyn. I tried to get her to take me…you know I did."

"I didn't want her having any of you." Rosa lit her cigarette. "Oh, God, there goes my four-year no-smoking streak." She blew a long silvery line of smoke out of her mouth. "Why didn't the queen's magic work? Why couldn't she take you?"

"I don't know. Maybe because Aeronwen was going to kill me, and my curse won't let me die until I've made reparations. I would've done anything to save Nimue from being in her hands again." Merlin rested his elbows on his knees and stretched his hand to the flames. "Balthasar, I'm not so sure about."

Rosa elbowed him. "We both made shitty mistakes that day. I'll do anything to get them back, Merlin. I'll kill the queen. I'll go to the very depths of Hell to get Balthasar by my side again."

"It could come to that," Merlin replied.

"We are in the Aos Si. I can believe anything right now." Rosa flicked the ash off her cigarette. "Do you think this is my price?"

"What do mean?" He had never heard her voice so small and vulnerable before.

"You once told me that using my magic would come at a price and that I wouldn't be able to choose when it was enacted. Balthasar being taken… It feels like a pretty hefty price to me."

Merlin stared at the fire, considering. "I don't know, Rosa. I believe we are paying the price for Eli never wanting the queen. The heart can be a selfish and petty thing. You are right about one thing… We don't know what kind of Eli we are going to get once we cross over. If the land recognizes him as the rightful king, he could have its very power running through him."

"Do you think he will choose to stay and be king?" She looked across at the tumble of black hair on the ground opposite her.

"I suppose that's something for him to decide. He may realize it's his place to stay for the good of his people. He would never have to be anything than what he is here." Merlin inhaled his cigarette and tried to articulate. "Nimue is the only other creature like me that I've ever met. Neither fae nor human. She's the only person I've ever felt truly understands what I feel and what I have been through. To have an entire country of that? I can't even imagine."

"But Ineedhim. I need all of you," Rosa exclaimed in a tense whisper. "I'm tired of this. I don't want us to be separated anymore."

Merlin kissed the top of her head. "My sweet young girl, you can't hold everyone together by will alone, even a will as strong as yours. Time and circumstances will tear everyone from you. This is what it means to be immortal."

"If Bal dies, I don't think I will want to live forever." Rosa tossed the end of her cigarette into the fire. "I guess we'll find out." She kissed his cheek before climbing back into her bedroll. "Let me know if you see them in the fire."

As soon as Rosa fell asleep, a voice on the other side of Merlin said, "Why did you just lie to her?"

"Can a man not have a single moment alone?" Merlin complained.

Arthur rolled on his side and glared at him. "You didn't answer my question."

"She doesn't need to know of any plan that is half-baked. She needs absolutes because she doesn't need to worry about one thing more. I'm protecting her."

"You areoverprotecting her."

"She is my kin, and you have no say," Merlin snapped.

"Keep your voice down, you git, before you wake everyone else up," Arthur whispered. "Aye, she's your kin, and I also know she's a woman who appreciates honesty."

"She doesn't need to know what I've seen. She will see Balthasar soon enough and know the truth of it."

"And what of yourotheridea? Hmm? She won't let you go without her."

"She will have no choice but to sit it out."

"You're an even bigger fool than I remember if you think that you will stop her."

"You are meant to be on my side. Remind me again why we are friends?"

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