Page 31 of Swords and Curses

After Bleddyn letme out of the tree that Nimue had trapped me in, I wandered out of the protective lands of Gwaed Lyn. I left him in a storm of blame and heartache. We couldn't lookat each other without seeing Deryn, and without her to calm his mood, the constant anger and pain had nowhere to go. I don't remember much of that time, just walking until exhaustion claimed me and I would find a dry place to sleep before continuing on my way. I can't tell you how long this went on, but it was in the Caledonian Forest that I ended up.

In the years that I went mad, the forest was a much wilder place than it is today. It was a time before the wolves and the bears went away, and the foxes and elks were in abundance. This sprawling ancient beauty of oak and pinewoods, birch and misty temperate rain forest was to become dearer, more precious than life itself to me. He embraced me in his wild loving arms and drew me into the dark places, and its secrets unfolded in front of me like an array of jewels.

I ranted at the trees and stones, fighting voices and shadows, screaming my pain at the wilds. I did not expect the wilds to answer me back.

I remember the morning exactly. There was sunlight filtering through the canopy and sparking off the streambed. I watched, mesmerized, as a great stag walked to the water to drink. It lifted its head and started to transform. The antlers shrank to smaller horns, white bone tinged with blood, and a man grew out of the stag body. I started to tremble, feeling the power rolling off him, ancient and terrible.

"Myrddin Wylt," his voice was a rumble of stone against stone, deep and commanding. "The forest can feel your suffering and sends me with an offer to see the forest through its eyes, to help you in a new life."

I was in no position or mindset to refuse, so I took his hand and let the forest open up its magic and secrets to me.

It's impossible to describe those first few years where I could spend a day watching the leaves change from green to gold and blooming wildflowers would set me weeping.

I lost myself. Perhaps 'lost' implies that it wasn't intentional. It was. I gave myself over to it, walking with the Guardian of Caledonia, entranced by all that he showed me. Through the land, I felt the pain that Albion was suffering under the rule of the Romans, the raiders and inevitable spread of man himself as they bred and built.

I had been so sheltered in Gwaed Lyn, separated from the general plights of man and country in the pure, safe bubble that Bleddyn and Deryn had raised me in. Was I not human as well as Unseelie? What use was were talents, my knowledge, if they weren't going to be used to help make Albion better, to guide men along the way?

Through the forests, my knowledge increased. I could listen to the trees speaking to each other, and I could converse with animals in their native tongue. I became so used to speaking with animals that when Bleddyn came to me in the form of a wolf, I didn't recognize him. I was too lost in the forest to see him for what he really was. It wasn't until years later, I learned that Bleddyn had roused himself from his grief, and fearing I would befall some misfortune, had hunted me down.

Not wanting to scare or threaten the spirit that was inside of me, which could easily have killed me, he followed me and watched over me in wolf form. He spoke to me, gently prompting memories of my family and of my life so that I would not forget myself altogether. The dear wolf companion couldn't convince me to let the forest go, however. I needed assistance from a much higher power than Bleddyn Blackstar.

Faith is a curious and powerful thing, and when one finds it truly and completely, their conviction can never be shattered. To brush against something so complete, immense and incomprehensible, sets common man's spirit trembling inside of them. People today go to their religious buildings, murmur their platitudes and never dig deeper into the great mysteries.It scares them too much to search for the Truth of all Things for themselves. And so they wrap themselves in unnecessary ritual and false judgments, selecting and misinterpreting to justify their own petty and prejudiced beliefs. If they opened themselves up to a true experience with the Creator, they would piss themselves in fear for how wrong and meaningless their show of 'faith' has been.

Let me tell you this. If a man does have a true experience, plunges himself deep into that dark night and finds his Maker there, two things will happen. First, he will very rarely relay the experience to anyone, he will hold it close and quiet, and private as a true relationship is with his god. The second thing is that he will never, ever be the same again.

What happened next, when I was ready to relinquish the last of my spirit and die, a visitor came to me. I can see you bursting with wrong information, Rosa Wylt. In some stories, the visitor is a priest, Aneiran the scribe, Taliesin the prophet, Blaise the teacher and the devil himself. In truth, there was nothing remotely striking or special about the man who appeared at my fireside.

Bleddyn had gone hunting. He would always bring me back something if he thought I had gone too many days without eating, and I didn't expect to see him until morning. The man who sat down by the fire was unremarkable. I couldn't tell you about his features. His hair could have been black or brown, clothing plain, beard neat. I remember his eyes, though not the color as such but the feel of them on me. It was as if he could see and know everything about me. The shame and guilt I carried. Yet, he understood and loved me anyway. It was like meeting a long-lost friend that you didn't even realize you were missing.

We talked, though I can't remember what about. Everything and anything, I imagine. I know when I tried to make the forest leave me so I could speak with him freely, it hung on, like aburr in my head that I couldn't dislodge. In the end, the stranger placed two fingers on my forehead, and the forest let go, leaving my mind free and my soul shaken to its core.

"Shake the dust off your feet, Myrddin," this visitor said to me. "Albion needs you. I will guide your path and protect you from death until the work is done."

Then he was gone with the dawn.

When Bleddyn arrived back at the cave, he knew I was myself again—broken, shattered, and disorientated but whole once more. He took me back to Gwaed Lyn where he nursed me back to my old strength. I was not the same boy anymore. I was a man with a new life and a fresh missive from the Great Creator himself to help save Albion.

Bleddyn was incensed when I told him of my plans. "You can't interfere with man. Their lives, their wars are but guttering flames to ones such as us. If you reveal your abilities to them, they will hunt you to the ends of the earth," he argued. He still likes to argue this with me. He doesn't have faith as I do, but I know, I've even tested it in the black waters of an underworld, that the Creator isn't going to let me die until I have fulfilled what I need to.

Even though he hated the idea, Bleddyn let me go. He's always welcomed me and any strays—yes, Rosa, including Arthur when his time came, though I won't speak of him. Not now. Maybe never again.

So this is the truth of my madness, dear Rhosyn. Nimue's betrayal broke my heart, my spirit, and mind to the point only the Creator could put me back together. To let her have another try at killing us all is courting disaster. She crushed Bleddyn, and he'll only suffer her presence for so long.

I have only ever known one other woman that knew how to cause more destruction than Nimue, but now is not the time to speak of her either. Not in this place.

Here ends my tale. You have been warned.

Eldon finished his story,and Rosa helped him to his unsteady feet. "Come on, let's go home," she coaxed gently. "Eli and Bal will be worried about us."

As if sensing it, Rosa's mobile rang, and she fumbled to answer it. "Yes, Eli, I have him. We will be right there."

Without argument, and with an arm around her shoulders to steady him, they walked to the bottom of the Tor, opened the ley line, and went home.

CHAPTER TWELVE

The next morning saw Eldon sober, refreshed, and in close counsel with Eli. To Rosa, it seemed that they were conspiring, but she was happy to see they weren't arguing for once. Eldon looked glorious in an emerald green dress shirt and a black waistcoat with every inch clean and sparkling.

Despite all the warnings that Eldon had delivered about Eli being a separate beast to his inner Unseelie prince, Rosa knew that Eldon could drop his tame persona and become the equally terrifying and wonderful Merlin. When she watched them together, she saw flickers of both.

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