Page 174 of The Bone Season

‘It wasyou. All that time.’ My voice quaked. ‘What was in the green pill, Warden?’

‘It was a herb called salvia, or seers’ sage. It clarifies the memories I seek, and helped open your dreamscape to my influence.’

‘All the times you asked me if I was just a pickpocket, you knew exactly who and what I was.’ I shook my head. ‘Did you enjoy toying with me?’

‘I had to see your history for myself, for my allies’ sake, before I trusted you,’ Warden said, eyes burning. ‘Last time, I failed them by not taking sufficient precautions. They were scarred for my error, and almost every human in this city paid for it with their lives.’

My fist clenched.

‘Your memories showed me that the White Binder is a strong influence on you,’ Warden said. ‘But they also reassured me that you are compassionate and loyal, with a good heart and no love for Scion. I saw that you had criminal associates in the citadel, but you never betrayed them.’

‘Of course not. They’re my family.’ I took a step back. ‘Your excuses aren’t going to work on me. Those memories were private.’

‘So are dreamscapes and bodies.’

‘Youforcedme to learn possession. Don’t you dare try to draw comparisons here, you—’ To my horror, fresh heat sprang in my eyes. ‘You could have just asked who I was.’

‘I did. And you lied,’ he said. ‘I understand why, Paige.’

I shook my head again, trembling.

‘I was so close to trusting you. I don’t trust easily,’ I said, ‘but I was ready to take a chance, Warden. You gave me hope that I might actually get out of here.’ I walked right up to him. ‘You wanted to know the kind of person I am. I’ve told you in my own words, and you’ve seen it. Now you’ve shown me who you are, too – someone who would violate my privacy to protect himself.’

‘It was not only myself I sought to protect.’

‘So you’d protect everyone but me, the person you want to risk her neck for you?’

He lowered his gaze, his jaw tightening. An angry blaze flayed my cheeks.

‘I will not speak in my own defence,’ he said, ‘but I apologise for the pain I have caused you, and for breaking your trust. You deserved better.’

My eyes stung again. He waited, perhaps expecting me to say more, but I had nothing left. It was taking everything I had to hold myself together.

‘I will sleep elsewhere,’ Warden said quietly. ‘Michael will take care of you. If you still wish to train with me, meet me in the cloister at dusk on the first of July. Until then, the Founders Tower is yours, Paige.’

He placed his key on the desk and left, closing the door behind him. I sank to the floor by the fire, my hand pressed to my padded side.

He had seen all my loss, all my anger, all my ghosts. The day I had buried for thirteen years. The day I was supposed to die; the day I sometimes wished I had, because then I would have no memory of it. In my mind, I stumbled through those streets again, blood under my boots, my ears ringing in the silence, surrounded by the dead of Dublin.

Scion had left me alive, to tell the world they were coming. I thought of my own cries – the small, broken cries of a lost child – and wept.

INTO THE HOUSE

For that first day and the night that followed, I did little but rest. Gail had made a start on the roof, but I needed to stay on the dacrodiorin and keep warm. So I slept in Warden’s bed, even though I wanted nothing more from him. I should never have taken those pills.

Nick wouldn’t be able to find me. The gang knew where I was, but even Jaxon couldn’t get past that many outposts, or through Gallows Wood.

Warden had been my last hope.

For the first time in years, I wished I were amaurotic. I wanted my life to go back to normal – the way it had been when I lived with my grandparents, before the poppy field, before the Dublin Incursion.

But there was nonormal. There never had been. Normal and natural were the greatest lies we had ever created – we humans, with our little minds.

The day bell rang again, as it always did. I removed the drip and got out of bed, just to distract myself. I had got used to sleep inversion, but for once, I wanted to see the sun.

In the bathroom, I changed my dressings and washed as much as I could. I combed my hair and cleaned my teeth. Once I was done, I looked at myself in the mirror. My eyes were raw and puffy, my face pale.

Warden played on my mind. I could feel him elsewhere in Magdalen, clearer than ever, as if my sixth sense was more attuned to him.

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