Page 52 of The Mask Falling

A firm hand stilled mine. His touch woke me up enough to focus on his ever-burning eyes. “No one can see us now,” I whispered. My other hand rested on his chest. “I want you.”

“You have had too much to drink. This is not you.”

“It is me.” I nuzzled his neck. “Just without a mask.”

“No. Thisisthe mask. To hide your fear,” he said, softer. He was so warm. “Trust has no room for façades. I would look on your true face, little dreamer. And know that you had looked on mine.”

I had to make him understand that this was real, that words spoken behind a mask were no less genuine. I had to tell him about my fourth card, the Lovers, the warning,stay close. But I was so drowsy, so heavy, and the words were too slippery to figure into sentences.

“Paige.” Arcturus cupped my lolling head. “Can you stand?”

The room was a carousel. When I sank against him, he gathered me into his arms and rose.

“You have a lovely jaw,” I murmured into his shirt. “Did anyone ever tell you that?”

“Goodnight, Paige.”

He carried me to my own room, set me down on my side, and tucked my good hand under my cheek. I felt him cover me with the duvet before the pillows swallowed me whole.

****

I woke in a series of painful stirrings. My skull was an overfull glass, too heavy and precarious to lift.

Shards of memory. My fingers on his jaw. His voice and mine, the words muddled. No clarity. All I remembered in excruciating detail was how much I had wanted him to hold me. He must have felt that want through the cord. Thick and sweet as summer honey.

I should never have touched that wine. I had risked the assignment. Nothing mattered more than what I was supposed to do today.

It was almost half past four. Bleary-eyed, I switched on the lamp and dressed in the clothes I had laid out early the previous evening, trying not to move my head too much. Every time I breathed in, a blade cut into the back of my shoulder. My skin had a grayish tinge, like newspaper.

Once my hair was straightened and I had darkened my eyes with the dropper, I found the dissimulator and stole into the parlor. Arcturus was nowhere to be seen, but the decanter was just where I had left it. I emptied its contents into the sink and forced myself to drink a full glass of water.

By the time Arcturus emerged, the water had restored me a little too well. I could remember loose threads of our conversation. The position I had woken up in, with my head supported in a way that would have stopped me choking if I threw up in my sleep. I really was a class act.

“I did not expect you to be awake,” he said.

“I’m just as surprised.” I brushed my hair back. “I’m sorry about last night. Like I said, I’m not good with wine.” Before he could get a word in, I went on: “I was just thinking, there’s no need for you to come with me today. You should look for more of the graffiti we found, establish who in the citadel supports me. We should try to secure allies within the syndicate.”

After a long silence, he spoke. “Your body should be monitored by someone with experience of your gift. This assignment will strain your limits.”

“I’m sure the medic will manage.”

He seemed to digest this statement. I could see him contemplating whether or not to press the issue, questioning the fact that I was pushing him away when I most needed him.

Had I been brave, I would have told him the truth. That I needed space to nurse my pride.

“When you find the graffiti, mark the locations on our map,” I said. “We’ll see if there’s a pattern.”

Without looking at him, I did up my bootlaces and tied back the smooth hair that felt nothing like mine. “I will do as you ask,” Arcturus said, “but when you return, we should speak.”

“There’s nothing to talk about,” I said curtly, pulling on my jacket. “I was drunk.”

Silence reverberated across the room. Arcturus watched me collect the key from the table.

“Paige.”

Slowly, I faced him.

“I know you are still uncertain of your gift, but you are a dreamwalker. This is what you were born to do. I am proud of how far you have come,” he said. “Call if you need me. I will be at your side.”

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