Page 37 of The Song Rising

“I always have.”

There was a half-empty bottle of wine on the table—Nick, again, it must be—and I reached for it.

He was right. Vance had dealt us a terrible blow, but we still had time: it would be a few weeks before there were enough scanners to end free movement.

“Let’s just hope the syndicate doesn’t find out that Vance used me,” I said.

“You have decided not to tell the whole truth, then.”

“It will only cause discord.”

He made no comment. I rose and took a wine glass from the cabinet before returning to the couch.

“Warden, I owe you an explanation,” I said, “and I wanted you to hear it before you leave.”

“You owe me nothing.”

“I do.”

I filled the glass for him and handed it over. His eyes were almost human in their darkness.

It took me a few tries before I began. I wet my lips, looked away, looked back at him.

“When I saw him last,” I finally said, “Jaxon claimed that you were . . . bait for me. That you chose me in the colony on Terebell’s orders, not of your own volition. And that made me think that everything was a lie, that the Guildhall was—” My cheeks warmed. “That it was just a way to cement my trust in you. That you didn’t really mean it.”

“Bait,” he repeated.

“He’s saying that you were ordered to seduce me. For her purposes.”

That brought a flare into his irises.

“And you believed it,” he said.

“I thought—I started to believe it was all a ruse. To make me think you cared about me so much that you would go behind her back to be with me. So I would do anything for you in return.”

The admission hung between us for some time. Warden swirled the dark wine in its glass.

“And are you seduced?”

The heat of the fire was drying his hair. The light brought out notes of darker, chestnut brown I had never noticed before.

“I haven’t decided,” I said.

We studied each other for some time.

“Look, I’m more than aware of how paranoid it sounds, but I lived with Jaxon for three years without knowing the truth about whose side he was on. He must have been laughing at me, when I told him about the Rephaim. When I tried to get him to help me.” I returned the bottle to its place. “Now I just—I don’t know who else I’ve been playing the fool for.”

His next words were soft. “You have heard other Rephaim name me flesh-traitor. It is understandable for you to wonder why I would have chosen this path, if not for some ulterior purpose. It is also understandable for you to doubt those closest to you now Jaxon has shown his true colors.”

“Why, then?”

“Why did I choose you in the colony,” he asked, “or why did I kiss you on the night of the Bicentenary?”

I held his gaze. “Both.”

“You will not like the answer to the first.”

Rephaim didn’t make a habit of disclosing their emotions. Warden had made oblique statements about his feelings toward me, but this was the first time he had volunteered any information.

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