Page 37 of Merry with a Single Dad

“Because he loves you.”

“And I’m about to saddle him with the ultimate commitment. This isn’t fair.” My belly fluttered with a multitude of emotions.

“I’m sorry,” I said, pulling myself out of her arms. “I have to do everything I can not to fall apart in front of him. I hate that you’re the only one I can let my guard down with and see the real me right now. I’m cranky and crabby. And my boobs hurt. I’mtired and feel like shit. But when I’m with him, I have to act like I have my shit together and that everything’s hunky dory.”

“That’s what best friends are for, babe. You know I got you.”

I sniffled. “I know. I wish I could fast forward in time and be in this fairy-tale kind of moment where he knows, and he’s happy. I’m scared that he’s going to completely freak out. And then there’s this other part of me that’s terrified he doesn’t want more kids.”

“You haven’t talked about it?”

I shook my head. “I didn’t think we were there yet. We haven’t even talked about marriage. And now this”—I cupped my belly with my hand—“is going to make or break us.”

“Em.”

“I don’t want him to feel trapped. Like I planned this or something.”

“He could never think that.”

I rolled my eyes.

“That’s not the kind of person you are, Emily. You know he knows that.”

“I just wish I could be happy about this.” I looked down at my tummy. “I am happy about it. I don’t mean to sound like I’m not. But this should be a magical time where everything is full of promise and excitement. A place where all my dreams finally come true. I don’t expect everything to be perfect, but you know . . . the romance, and when I look around, everything is so pretty and utterly amazing?”

“You will have all of that. And more,” Cassie whispered.

“I hate feeling so out of control. This baby is going to change my life—our life. And as exciting as it should be, I can’t help but push my happiness aside right now. The worrying is overwhelming everything else. I need to be focusing on Christmas, and hostess duties, and Hudson. Oh, my God! Hudson!” A new wave of nausea hit.

“Hudson will be fine,” Cassie tried reassuring me. “He loves you, Emily.”

“Yeah, until I turn his world upside down with all this.”

“Emmy,” Cassie mimicked, using the sweet name Hudson had recently gifted me. “Remember, kids are resilient.”

“I know. But I still can’t help stressing about how he will be affected.”

“And that right there is proof that you’re going to be a wonderful mother.”

The earlier anxiety that had my stomach muscles seizing into a bundle of overstressed nerves suddenly eased. A gooey, overpowering kind of love rooted in my feet and spread upward. Warmth, both from the happiness of the Christmas spirit and from the joy of family, flowed through my entire body.

Talking with my best friend was just what I needed.

When I got back to Chris’s house, the only guys who greeted me were the four-legged kind.

I kicked off my shoes and flopped onto the couch, joyfully soaking in the unconditional love and affection of Moose, Rufus, and Luke.

Luke hopped onto the couch and nudged his head up under my arm. “Okay, buddy,” I said. I laid my hand on Moose’s head and rubbed Rufus with my foot.

“Thanks, guys,” I said, burying my face and hands into their kisses and furry bodies. “I hope you know how much I love you. And I know you love me, too.”

Moose woofed, Rufus laid his giant paw on my thigh, and Luke leaned forward for another slobber kiss.

“Things are going to change for us very soon.” I patted my belly and smiled. “You guys will always be my babies, you know that, right?” I asked Moose and Rufus.

When Luke yipped, I patted his head. “Yes, you too, Luke,” I added. He smiled the way dogs do and placed his paw in my hand.

I enjoyed the quiet and solitude for a few more minutes before deciding to take a quick shower and change into my sweats.

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