“A kagema was a boy who hadn’t yet lost the beauty of youth. It was with them that a samurai would develop a mentor / apprentice relationship.”
“Okay,” I asked unsure where this was going. “And this has to do with Kuroi how?”
“Our father designated that Kuroi be such a kagema.”
I leaned in trying to understand what Yuki was saying.
“Sato made Kuroi one of these, what do you call them?”
“Kagema.”
“And what did being a kagema involve?”
It was only then that Yuki’s eyes dipped.
“Woah! Your fuckin’ father made his own son a prostitute?”
“Isn’t that what he is to you? Would I have not been the same if Kuroi didn’t have the honor of your hand in marriage?”
I froze. “Different fuckin’ thing. Whether I got tricked into it or not, we’re married. This ain’t any sort of fucked up mentor / apprentice situation.”
Yuki took a sip of her tea.
“A rose by a different name.”
“Okay, well, that shit don’t fly here. If Kuroi doesn’t want to be with me, he can grab his stuff and get the fuck out. Nothing’s stopping him.”
“And yet, he stays,” she pointed out.
“Right. He stays.” Having heard my words, I considered it.
Why did he stay? Who was I to him? I had heard what Yuki had explained, but this kagema thing couldn’t be what I was thinking it was. Not even Sato could do that to his own son. Yuki had to have gotten it wrong. She clearly has some fucked up ideas about marriage.
Though, what would it say about Kuroi if it were true?
No, I won’t believe it. Yuki didn’t know what she was talking about. I just needed to focus on what I was here for.
“How do I get Kuroi to not kill me?” I asked bluntly.
Yuki took more sips allowing the silence to draw out. I was starting to believe that she was done speaking when she volunteered.
“Kuroi has always responded to a firm hand.”
“A firm hand?”
“Kuroi must know his place.”
“His place?”
“Mi no hodo wo shiru. Do you know what that means?”
“How the fuck would I know that?”
“It means, to know your place is to know yourself. Kuroi doesn’t yet know his place in this world. Perhaps with a strong hand, like yours, he will.”
What the fuck did that mean? A strong hand like mine? If she was referring to what I thought she was, that might have been one of the most fucked up things I’ve ever heard.
If it wasn’t for the look in Kuroi’s eyes when I had my hands around his neck, I would have dismissed the idea.Had he enjoyed it as I gripped him tighter? Could she be right? Was that what Kuroi was looking for?