Page 5 of Behind the Mask

I slammed the door shut on his face and took off to my room. I closed the door behind me and leaned against it, trying to catch my breath. I thought he was gone. I heard he had left not long after Axel. So why was he here? Had he come back for more? Was once not good enough for him? Blind spots blurred my vision as I put my hands in my hair in frustration. I began to wear a hole in the floor as I paced back and forth trying to shut out the memories, the pain, and my past. I stopped when a lightbulb went off. Being back was a mistake.

I grabbed my keys, my phone, and my bags that were never unpacked and rushed downstairs. My breathing was ragged. I was in a dire urge to get the hell out of town and never look back. It would hurt my parents, but they would eventually understand. I hurried towards the door. I didn't glance in their direction, but I heard the chairs scraping across the hardwood floors. I went straight to my car and started putting things in the back as fast as I could.

"Olivia, what the hell are you doing?" Dad’s tone was stern and fierce, and it almost made me stop. But I couldn't think, I couldn't breathe. The walls were closing in and stole my oxygen as they went.

"You can’t possibly be thinking of leaving again.” He paused as if he was in disbelief over the entire situation. “Now, tell me what the fuck is going on with you?" It was the first time dad had yelled at me in a long time, and as I leaned my head against the cool door of the rundown Toyota, I began to slip away.

"I can't… I can't stay here." I couldn’t gather enough air into my lungs to catch my breath.

"And why the hell not? Why do you keep running?" Frustration laced his voice, and I couldn’t blame him. Sometimes I wished I could just make things easier on him, on both ofthem.

It was then that I finally turned and met Dad’s heated gaze. He was angry. I could see the disappointment spread clear across his face. A sob broke through my throat as I covered my trembling lips to keep from breaking down. But it didn't help. The memories, and the pain were becoming too much for me. I was tired of fighting. Strong arms wrapped around me as I broke down right there in the driveway for everyone to see. "I’m right here, baby girl. I don't know what happened to you, but I’m here and you're not alone."

At that moment, my walls collapsed. I crumbled in his arms and let him hold me. My barriers were down, and the mask was off. The real, fragile Olivia had finally emerged from the shadows. Hiding behind my mask was no longer an option.

Chapter Four

Olivia

Four years ago…

I turned the bath water to scalding. I took off my clothes one by one in a robotic state. Today was a bad day. Probably the worst since it happened. Since I moved, I never felt truly alone until now, because today was the anniversary. The day my innocence was stolen from me.

I stared at the water as it poured from the spout into the tub. How could something so dangerous seem so tranquil? I wanted to sink in and never wake up again. Maybe after today, my sins would be forgiven. Because that’s what I was, a sin of the purest form. That’s what he repeated over and over that night, telling me how I tempted men and made them do bad things.

Once the water was filled to the brim, I turned it off. I stood there for a few moments, just zoning off into space, thinking of being anywhere but here. Who would miss me when I was gone?

My parents?

Axel?

I scoffed. Who was I kidding, Axel didn’t give a damn what happened to me anymore. He was living his life in Texas now; he probably had all the attention and girls he could ever dream of. No, if I left, the only people who would care would be my parents. Possibly Ashley, and possibly my best friend, Lindsey back home.

Before I placed my foot in the water, I turned around to look at the white stick that rested on the counter near the sink. It just sat there, waiting for me to look at the results. Deep in my heart I knew the answer, and I dreaded it.

How could I have a monster’s child? How could I let the monster get his grip on me again? Fear settled in the pit of my stomach. I would never be free of him. He found me when life was finally getting to some type of normal, and did the unspeakable act once again.

I couldn’t blame him though. This time it was my fault. I was weak. I couldn’t fight him off even if I wanted to, because I wasn’t strong enough. I didn’t have the will to live anymore. The will to fight. The monster has had his hands on me two times too many, and because of that, there would be another consequence that awaited me.

Could I do it though? If that stick really did say what I think it did, could I murder an innocent child by taking my own life? Would I ever be forgiven for that unspeakable act?

My eyes traveled to the mirror and looked at the shallow girl in the mirror. Her once hazel eyes were bleak and dead, her cheekbones were hollow because she refused to eat, and dark circles rested beneath her eyes.

My gaze moved lower, and I winced. Bruises outlined my shoulder blades, deep scars that were invisible to a blind eye outlined my entire body. My broken wrist sat heavily in a cast, and my body felt like it had been hit by a train. I wasn’t complaining though, I knew my pain would cease to exist soon.

Bringing a child into this world, who would be threatened at every corner like their mom, was the truest form of torture I could ever think of. I would never be able to keep them safe.

I swallowed the lump in my throat, turned around, and took a few steps towards the tub. My heart began to beat at an alarming rate, goosebumps had spread across my arms, and a shiver slid down my body as my toes curled into the water.

As I lowered my body into the water, my life began to flash before my eyes. Back from when I was a kid, all the way until now, memory after memory hit me like a ton of bricks. A breath escaped my lips as my shoulders went lower, and lower.

Soon, my chin was level with the water. I tilted my head back and looked up at the ceiling, saying a silent prayer. My bottom lip trembled and tears fell from my eyes.

Why was it so hard to end a life? Shouldn’t I be able to end it without any regrets?

As I closed my eyes, my body relaxed. My fight was over. No more agony, no more struggle. With one quick breath, I submerged and ceased to exist.

Chapter Five

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