Page 15 of Behind the Mask

“And you’ve been suffering like this since it happened?Alone?”

I shrugged and stood up, but faltered. His hands grasped my waist to keep me upright. I didn’t have the energy to talk anymore, all I wanted was to sleep and forget this day ever happened.

“Loop your arms around my neck.”

I did as he asked, and he helped me out of the tub. He kept one arm around me as he reached for the towel on the counter, and wrapped that around my shoulders. A shiver escaped me, and my eyes fluttered as the urge to fall asleep grew stronger.

I dried off to the best of my ability, and he placed a soft, white robe across my shoulders for me to put my arms through. Once I was partially dressed, he bent down and lifted me as he carried me bridal style to the bed. As soon as my head hit the pillow, my eyes closed and all worries and pain managed to fade into silence as I went into a peaceful sleep.

*****

When I woke up, the sky was dark, almost like midnight dark, and so was my room. I sat up slowly, stretched and turned on the lamp. I glanced around but didn’t see Axel anywhere.I guess he decided I was too much for him to deal with.

Memories from earlier drifted into my mind and why I went into that catatonic state in the first place, but I shut them down. I pulled the covers back and swung my legs over the side of the bed as my feet landed on the soft rug. I stood to my full height and yawned. I didn’t know exactly what time it was, but a nice cup of hot coffee sounded just right. Maybe that would put me in the mood to go back to sleep.

The house was eerily quiet. As I descended down the stairs, my parent’s voices were nowhere to be heard. I didn’t have the slightest clue where they would be on a Wednesday night, but I didn’t have the energy to care.

I frowned when I reached the bottom stair and noticed the kitchen light was on.I wonder if they forgot to turn it off when they left.

I walked into the kitchen and stopped when I noticed Axel sitting at the kitchen table, seemingly deep in thought. “What are you doing here? I thought you left…”

His gaze met mine, but he didn’t say a word. Puzzled by his inability to speak, I decided to ignore him and turn on the keurig. While that was warming up, I opened the cabinet and grabbed a coffee cup.

“I broke up with Vanessa.”

The spoon of sugar I had hovering over the cup suddenly dropped. I turned around intrigued, but tried to remain passive. “That’s…interesting.”

His eyebrows bunched together. “Interesting? That’s all you have to say?”

I leaned up against the counter, doing everything I could to keep myself standing upright. “What do you want me to say?”

He ran a hand through his hair. “That you want this as much as I do.”

“I don’t know what I want anymore, Axel. I just want to be normal.”

His gaze narrowed. “You are normal. Don’t say stupid shit like that.”

I shook my head, turned my back to him, and resumed making my coffee. “You don’t get it.”

The chair scraped across the floor. “How can I? All you’ve done is keep secrets from me. How can I possibly know what you’re going through?”

“You can’t. You just have to learn to accept it.”

“That’s bullshit. I can’t accept the fact that you’re suffering like that every single day. I have never, in our whole life of knowing each other, seen you like that. It fucking hurts, Liv.”

My hands curled on the counter. “How do you think it makes me feel? I’m tired, Axel, I can’t keep fighting this ongoing battle and losing.”

My coffee long forgotten, I turned to face him once more. He was standing, right in front of me, with pain and anger lingering in his gaze. He took a step forward, our chests brushing against each other. His fingers tucked a piece of hair behind my ear, and his palm held the side of my face.

His gaze penetrated through my soul. “You have to keep fighting. You need to fight to survive. Your battle is over. I don’t care how much that shit takes from you, promise me you’ll never do anything that will take you away from me again. Promise me, Liv.”

I pursed my lips. He had no idea what he was asking. He was asking a rape victim to forget what happened to her. He was asking a rape victim to move on with her life like nothing had ever happened in the first place.

There was so much he still didn’t know; but the fact that he was asking me to forget and “fight” to live was not something I could easily do. Not when the darkness lingered inside of me. Not when the pain was the truest form of torture.

But instead of saying what was in my heart, I gave him a small smile and nodded. He seemed satisfied and wrapped his arms around me, and planted a kiss on my head. I patted him on the back as he hugged me, trying to soothe his own demons, when mine were just coming out to play.

As much as I wanted to believe him, my battle was far from over.

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