Page 58 of Fight for Forever

Megan has no way of knowing all of this, but I don’t want to drag her into it. I’ve just had the best two days of my adult life and in the blink of an eye, it’s like it a distant memory.

My life just fucking imploded with one phone call.

Chapter Twenty-Two

It’s been a week since I saw Joey. Since our amazing time away in Sag Harbor. The three days he promised we would spend together before he had to shut down for his training came and went without me even laying eyes on him.

He’s text a handful of times, but there has been no real conversation.

To say I’m disappointed is an understatement. I realized from the moment Sam said those words that Joey’s life got flipped on its head.

Work was so busy I barely had time to think, but as soon as I went on break, I looked everything up on my phone. From the shit Marris was talking, all the bullshit other people then started saying about how he had only won so many fights because he was taking drugs. Then researching doping in sports.

One of the other waitstaff had to come and find me when my break was over and I hadn’t returned.

My heart is breaking for him. Joey has worked hard to get where he is. He would never, ever take drugs to enhance his abilities. I’ve never met a man with more integrity than Joey.

He’s refusing to talk about it with me. His texts are only letting me know he’s okay and he’ll catch up soon, or not to worry about him, or asking how I am.

I get it, this is his life and having all of those people question your integrity has to be hard for him. But all I want to do is help. I’m not sure how, but I could do something. It hurts a little knowing that he doesn’t trust me enough to let me in.

Saying that, do we really know each other that well? Why would he trust me to help him?

All of my insecurities are coming back to the forefront of my mind. I was never good enough. I always got in the way. My opinions are worthless.

I try desperately to counteract those thoughts, knowing Joey would hate to know I’m thinking like this. It’s hard for me to switch off and I end up going to an extra therapy session to have myself convinced I’m not a waste of time. All that ends up doing is making me wonder if I should have even tried to be in a relationship.

If the first sign of trouble means they will walk away, I can’t settle for that. I’m worth more. I know that now. Being walked all over is not an option for me.

Have I blindly trusted the first man who came along and made me feel something I’ve not felt in a long time?

Didn’t it start out that way with Michael? I refuse to believe Joey could be like Michael. Even if he distances himself and realizes this isn’t what he wants, then it won’t be because he is anything like Michael.

Logically, I know I’m projecting. I know my insecurities are taking over. Reassurance should come from within myself, not from someone else. Am I falling into the trap of relying on someone too?

These thoughts swirl around my head for days, getting louder, making me feel more like an idiot. With every day that passes, and I have minimal contact with him, my heart breaks just that little more.

I haven’t told the girls what is going on. Jenna has been preoccupied nursing Adam back to health and has moved her things into his apartment.

Brooke is tied up in a case and I don’t want to bother her with these petty little issues, things I need to work through myself. Elsa is coming in a few days. There are a few things planned. I just need to focus on that.

All I can do is focus on myself. Stop this spiral and get back to the place I was at before.

Before Joey.

The next day, the news comes that the fight has been postponed. Marris is on TV and social media again, saying he now knows full well he can beat Joey and would have beat him in their first fight if he hadn’t been taking drugs to better himself.

It breaks my heart when the cameras show shots of the front of Sam’s gym, capturing glimpses of Joey as he comes and goes, straight out of the car that drops him at the front of the gym, and picks him up in the same place. I’m not sure who it is that is driving, but they’re there for him every day.

He’s maintained his silence throughout the whole thing, which is admirable, but I think it’s hurting him too. It leaves people free to speculate.

Jenna was in a rage when she found out. Despite how close I got to Joey, Jenna knows him a lot better than I do and she is adamant he would never do anything like that. But she isn’t sure how to help either. I hate sitting here doing nothing, knowing he’s hurting. Breaking my rule of letting things play out and keeping my well-being at the forefront, I pick up my phone.

MEGAN

I just want to let you know I’m here.

The message goes unread. Instead of focusing on how much I’m hurting over this, I decide to do some research on Kelvin Marris.There are tons of articles about him. A lot has been brought up since this whole mess.

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