Page 40 of Fight for Forever

She shrugs, but I don’t want her to downplay this.

“I can’t change the way society sees things,” I tell her. “But I want you to know this wasn’t your fault. Any of it.”

“Even killing him,” she whispers.

“Especially not killing him,” I say, a little louder than I thought because she leans away from me. She doesn’t let go of my hand though. “Especially not that,” I repeat, a little gentler.

“You don’t even know what happened,” she says.

“I don’t need to know any details to understand you did what you had to in the moment, Meg.”

“But I…”

“But nothing. You defended yourself and your friend. It’s not about doing what is right to fight back or when it matters most that you took a stand. It’s not about standing up for yourself and fighting back.”

“Are you saying if he hadn’t attacked Jenna, I wouldn’t have done it?”

“I’m saying you need to look at it as something separate from what was going on. Don’t think about what other people say about it. Don’t think that you gave him what he deserved for everything he did to you. It’s written all over your face, Megan. You don’tthink he got what he deserved, do you? You think you’re the one who didn’t get what she deserved?”

“I killed him.” A tear spills over her cheek. “He didn’t deserve to die.”

“Maybe not. If a man comes into your apartment and attacks you and your friend, especially intending to harm you, then he takes the chance that things might go bad for him. Megan.”

I turn so I’m facing her and set her drink down from her shaking hands. I take hold of both of them, hoping like fuck I’m getting across what I want to say, and that she doesn’t close up and pull away. Not when we’ve made all this progress. Not when I’m wondering if there might be a chance at us having something more.

“Just because you were in a relationship with him doesn’t change that.”

She frowns and stares at a point just below my chin. I let her work it out in her head. Megan is smart, but it’s been so ingrained in her she did the wrong thing at every turn. She’s struggling to see this for what it was.

Sure, she fought back against her abuser, but that wasn’t why she killed him. It hurts me to think that if that night hadn’t happened she’d still be suffering at the hands of that scumbag, but I need her to know she did nothing wrong because of how people see her situation.

“Thank you,” she says.

This may be wrong, but I decide to take a chance. I let go of one of her hands and put my thumb on her chin, pushing ever so slightly, but not enough to force her. She lets her head tip back on its own and meets my eyes. I fucking hate seeing her tears. She owes him nothing. But I get it, they were together for a long time.

Maybe she didn’t love him, but like she said, she was fearful and that is a powerful emotion too. It tied her to him in a worse way than love ever could. For a second, I struggle to contain my ownemotions. My fingers remain on her chin, and we stare at each other.

In my heart, I know what I want to do, but I can’t make that first move. Not until I know she’s ready. After a few seconds I go to move away but her hand comes up and grabs my wrist. Then I watch as she leans towards me, as her chin lifts higher so we’re at eye level.

Her eyes sweep closed, the long lashes dusting the tops of her cheekbones and she presses forward. I watch her, holding my breath, and I swear my fucking heart stops beating.

A delicate, hesitant brush of her mouth against mine. It’s a sweet kiss, a perfect kiss, and one I know I’m never going to come back from.

Chapter Sixteen

Holy crap, my mouth is on Joey’s.

And he isn’t pushing me off. He isn’t reeling back in horror. In fact, he isn’t doing anything. I’m not sure he’s breathing. I lean back a little and look up so I can see his eyes. His fingers are still on my chin. He is still pressed close against me.

My heart is pounding so hard, he has got to feel it.

But I’m sick of being scared. I’m sick of not reaching out for what I want.

Everything he just said blew me away. There are many people who don’t blame me for what happened with Michael, but no one has ever put it the way Joey did. No one has ever made me think that what happened was about protecting myself in the moment, not about revenge, not about getting back at the person who hurt me.

It was not premeditated. I had no intention of killing him, or anyone else, in my lifetime. I never believed I was capable. But looking at it from the perspective he just showed me makes it seem different somehow.

He nailed it. I have always thought I deserve to be in prison for taking someone’s life. Especially because it comes across that I killed him for the years of abuse.

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