Page 19 of Fight for Forever

“You know I love you and that you can trust me. And I will never say anything that I think you won’t be able to handle.”

My stomach flutters for a whole different reason now. Brooke is right though, I trust her and I know she is tough and straightforward, but she isn’t mean. I nod.

“You haven’t been in a relationship with a man for years.”

I protest, but she holds up a hand.

“What you had with him was not a relationship, honey. I’m not about to unpack all of that because I’m not qualified. But the truth of it is, you’ve been alone for a very long time. You may not be ready, and that is fine too. I know it’s only been a few months since everything happened.

“But honey, you deserve to be happy, and that means taking chances. I get it. If it’s still something that terrifies you, then you need to hold off and I will support you one hundred times over. I’ve just sat here and listened to you talk about this guy for the past fifteen minutes and Meg, I think you need to hear this because you’re still struggling to let yourself live, not just exist.”

She reaches across the table and takes my hand.

“You like him. It’s written all over your face.”

“I’m scared.”

“Everyone is afraid, Meg. If I had to guess, I’d say Joey is just as afraid. He knows what you’ve been through. He’s a professional fighter. From what you’ve said, it sounds like he is attuned to your situation. The respectful distance, adapting to what makes you comfortable without even having to ask. These are all things you’ve seen, Meg. Your eyes are open to him. Let your mind follow,” she grins wickedly. “And then your legs.”

“Oh my God,” my face flushes bright red and I cover it with my hands.

“I don’t sugarcoat shit,” Brooke says. “This guy,” she points at her phone, even though the screen has gone blank, I haven’t forgotten the image of Joey on the screen. “Looks like he could satisfy you.”

“Stop it,” my head ducks.

“Sex with the right person isn’t something to fear.”

My therapist broached this a week ago, but I brushed over it. One thing Michael never did was force himself on me. It was one of those things that made me hate myself. Whenever we had sex, I enjoyed it. I never stopped him. Was he the best in bed? No. Sometimes he got off without getting me there, but most of the time, I enjoyed it.

The beatings never occurred around those times, which was why I never associated violence with sex. Stupid, really. Everything about Michael was violence.

Everything about Joey is violence too.

I shake my head, trying to clear that thought away. Joey is nothing like Michael. And I would be lying if I said I haven’t thought about it. Sex with Joey.

“This is moving way too fast for me.”

“Take sex off the table. Try talking to him. Subtle flirting. Do something other than train with him.”

“How?”

“Invite him out for drinks? Dinner. The movies.”

“We’re not teenagers.”

“There are no set rules. Take baby steps if it’s what you need, but first and foremost, let him know you’re interested. Take it from there.”

“What if he says no? How can I face him after that?”

“If it’s that hard, no one says you have to.”

“But I enjoy training with him.”

“Because you want to sex him up.”

I burst out laughing in shock. She’s right.

“Deep inside you,” she squeezes my hand. “Is a bad ass, confident, sexy woman. You’ve been hidden away for too long, Meg. It’stime to come out of that shell. Time to break through the shield you’ve had around yourself for the last five years. Live your life.Hedoesn’t matter anymore. He can’t hurt you, control you, or stop you from being the woman you’re supposed to be. Damn, don’t cry. I can’t deal with crying.”

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