Page 28 of Standing Still

If she knew some of the things that little punk had got up to, she’d lose her shit. Denny firmly has our mom wrapped around his finger.

Elle finds herself alone with me and Jedi after we’ve all said goodbye. Her cheeks are rosy and if I was the kind of guy who thought shit like this, I’d say there was a twinkle in her eye. I inwardly applaud myself. She has had fun tonight. Whether it’s down to me, or down to my family and friends, it doesn’t matter. The fact is, she enjoyed herself. Which is what I set out to do tonight.

“So Dawn told me Mystic Dead are closing out the night,” Elle says.

“They are,” I nod. They usually do. “You wanna go watch them?”

She nods. “Will Jedi be okay?”

“He’s fine, loving life. Let’s go.”

We leave the table and head over to the main stage where the band is already playing the final set of the evening. The crowd is huge around them. They’re always a good draw. People are dancing and singing. I glance at Elle, who is practically bouncing on her feet, her arms swinging.

She’s had a fair bit to drink, but the Elle I knew when we were kids loved music and dancing and that was coming back out now. We stop on the periphery of the crowd, and I make sure Jedi isn’t going to get stepped on, then look over the crowds.

Elle is outright dancing beside me and I watch her, not realizing there is a small smile on my face till she looks over and sees me, her face flushing as she covers her eyes as though embarrassed.

“Don’t hide,” I shout over the sound of a Grateful Dead cover as the band begins to play, taking her hand and pulling it away. I’m about to let go when she pulls me nearer and I look at her in surprise. “You want me to dance?” I laugh.

“I know how much you love it,” she teases me. I hate to dance.

“I have the dog,” I protest.

“He can join in.” she takes the leash from me, Jedi wags his tail and hops around, like he is dancing. The little traitor. “Come on, Ben, relax, have fun.”

“I know how to have fun,” I tell her. “Dancing isn’t it?”

She doesn’t give in though and pulls my arm up to the sky with hers, and she starts to sing along with the band. She brings the hand holding the leash down onto my upper arm and we end up facing each other. Before I know it, we’re full-on dancing and laughing.

When she stumbles over a bottle someone has dropped, I grab her around the waist to steady her. She smells like vanilla and peaches. There is a thin sheen of perspiration on her skin and her eyes are bright with the joy of just being here.

Fucking hell. She’s beautiful.

I blink out of the trance and see her staring at me. She visibly shakes her head. “I think I need to sit down,” she gives me a small smile.

“Sure,” I say. We head away from the crowd and find a spot on a low wall where we’re still close, but it’s a little less busy. “This okay?”

“Yeah, it’s just hot, and I’ve had a bit too much to drink.”

“Don’t get out like this much?”

“Not usually, although a few weeks ago, I was at a BreakNeck concert in London, backstage. Practically danced the whole night away."

“BreakNeck? No shit. How’d you manage that?”

“My literary agent. She got us backstage.”

I nod, impressed. But it’s just another reminder that she lives in a different world. I stroke my dog’s head as he lays down between us.

“It might sound glamorous, but that trip was the first time I’ve ever left the country,” she says, leaning back so her hands are behind her, propping her up. She looks up at the sky. “I got to see so many amazing places. I didn’t even intend to do it.”

“What do you mean?”

“Despite what people might think, I’m still…”

“Still what?” I shift, so I’m facing her more.

“Scared? I mean, like sometimes I wonder why anyone would want to come and queue up to see me. It’s like imposter syndrome.”

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