Page 35 of Golden Atonement

She was my compass. My lifeline in a bloody world of my own making. She was my always. The one person I could turn to when the darkness surrounded me. Now I was alone, unable to breathe as the sins of my past circled, waiting to claim my dark soul.

We burned bright for a short time.

Our flame was a beacon of hope until it burned too brightly.

I should have known.

Like ashes after a fire, it all came down.

“Forgive me,” I whispered as tears ran down my face, and I reached over my shoulder and removed one of my blades, holding it in my hands while I kneeled before the dais.

“God forgives you, my son.”

Without thinking, I swung my blade as I watched a priest step out of the darkness that surrounded me.

Lowering my blade, I slumped forward, shaking my head.

I couldn’t do this anymore.

I was tired. So fucking tired.

I just wanted to close my eyes and cease to exist. My whole life I’d fought one demon after another.

I was tired of fighting.

So fucking tired of it all.

I didn’t know how long I kneeled there.

Time no longer mattered as I stared at my blade laying on the cold tiled floor in front of me.

All I had to do was pick it up and everything would be over.

All this pain, this hurt, the lies, the deceptions would end.

“Do you believe in redemption, Priest?”

“I believe God only redeems those he deems worthy,” the Priest stated, sitting in a pew as he stared at the dais.

I smirked. “Well, that explains it then.”

“What does?”

“God’s punishing me. He thinks I’m unworthy of redemption. He’s determined I spend eternity in hell.”

“God forgives those who ask for forgiveness.”

“I don’t deserve forgiveness.”

“Everyone deserves forgiveness, even you, my son. All you have to do is ask for it.”

September 27, 2023

Remi

“She’s stable again. I don’t know what set her off, but I’m ordering round-the-clock monitoring for the next twenty-four hours. Jess, Solomon is barely hanging on. If he doesn’t get some sleep soon, he’s gonna snap,” Bones advised.

This was all my fault.

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