Page 84 of Golden Atonement

“Sure thing, Reaper,” my friend muttered, his face marred with concern as he walked away.

I fucking knew he wouldn’t leave me alone, he never could. He placed a tumbler in front of me and poured my drink. I knew he wouldn’t deny me. What shocked me was, instead of pouring himself one, he opened a bottle of water.

Wrapping my fingers around the glass, I took a deep breath, raised the glass to my lips, and took a small sip. The burn of the whiskey hit me hard and I gasped, damn near choking on the dark amber liquid.

Time moved slowly as I sat at the bar, and he said nothing, merely refilling my glass when it was empty. The longer I sat there, the more I drank and the angrier I got, until I couldn’t hold it back any longer.

“I hate this shit.”

“I know.”

“I see why you like it, though. Liquid courage, right?”

He nodded. “Among other things.”

“You broke me.”

“I know.”

Taking another drink, I shook my head.

“Do you?” I snarked as I glared at him. “Because from where I’m sitting, I don’t think you do. Would you like me to tell you? Would you like to know how I felt when I saw you with that woman? How you tore my heart from my chest and left me a shell of someone I barely recognized? Or would you like to know the pain you caused the kids? How Emma refused to talk to me or how Jesse cried out for you in the middle of the night?”

“Baby—”

“NO!” I screamed, throwing my glass against the wall. “You don’t get to say shit until I’m finished. What you did, how you went about it, was wrong. So fucking wrong. If it was just me, I could understand, but you included the kids. Whether you meant to or not, I don’t know, but they got hurt in the crossfire, and that I can’t forgive. And everyone else? What the fuck were you thinking, because you sure as hell weren’t thinking about us? You never did! All you cared about was your precious fucking pact with those fucking idiots and look what happened. They fucking ruined us!”

“I know.”

“Do you? Because while you were off doing whatever the fuck it was you were doing, I thought I’d killed the man I loved. They made me believe I killed you! Do you know what that did to me?”

“Yes.”

“I wanted to die, Max!” I screamed, and he flinched. “I thought about ending it all. I couldn’t see a way out of the darkness. I never could without you. You kept my nightmares away, and when you were gone, they came back in force. They suffocated me! I couldn’t breathe. I just wanted it all to end. I didn’t want to live in a world where you didn’t exist. You made me believe in it, and in the blink of an eye, it was all gone, and I don’t know how to get it back. It’s all your fault!”

“I’m sorry.”

Shaking my head, I muttered, “Stop saying that, because I fucking know you would do it all again in a heartbeat.”

“You’re right, I would. I will do anything to protect you.”

“That’s just it, Max,” I groaned. “You wouldn’t have had to if you had just told me what was going on. You know damn well I would have gone along with any fucking plan you came up with. I adored you. I just wanted you. You made me believe that together we could do anything, survive anything. Instead of trusting me, those sick fucks made me believe the worst in you and I can’t get it out of my head. I close my eyes at night and all I see is you with her!”

He stood there, saying nothing.

What could he say? He knew he was guilty, just like Montana and Maxim. All three of them were the villains in my story. They all had a hand in breaking the one thing inside me I believed was unbreakable—my trust in the man I loved above all others.

“I don’t know if I can do this,” I whispered, shaking my head. “I shouldn’t have come back.”

Getting up from the bar, I headed for the front door when I heard him say, “You leave me and you might as well put the bullet in my head for good this time, because I refuse to live my life without you. You think you were the only one betrayed in this fucked-up mess? Well, baby, you weren’t. Yes, I trusted two men I shouldn’t have. That is on me, and I promise you, those fuckers will pay dearly for what they did to us, but don’t you fucking stand there and tell me I broke you, when you had no fucking problem moving on from me?”

Spinning around, I glared. “What the fuck are you talking about?”

Seething, he stalked me. “I’m talking about that motherfucker who had his hands all over what was mine. I saw you, Remi. In California. I watched while he held you. That I could forgive, but when I saw him kiss you in Oklahoma, well,baby, that motherfucker is dead when I get my hands on him. I don’t give a flying fuck who he is or what he means to you. I promised you a long time ago that no one would ever touch you again and live, and I always keep my promises where you are concerned. Fucker is a dead man walking.”

Shaking my head, I looked at him as he continued.

“You want to blame me? Go ahead. I can take it, but don’t you fucking dare put the whole blame on me for breaking us because it wasn’t my lips on another man?”

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