Page 108 of Goddess of Light

As we sat on the boats, bobbing up and down in the glassy waves, watching Tuoni’s beloved son sink into the depths, tears streaming from our eyes, we were all wishing for so many different things.

One thing I wish for is that my Goddess powers would help lessen the blow of grief, but it hasn’t. Which is funny, considering that’s all I originally wanted. I wanted to be human, I wanted to feel—well, I fucking got it.

“Still not hungry?” I ask Tuoni, coming around the back of his chair at the head of the table. I drape my arms around him and kiss the back of his head. We’re in the dining hall, or what’s left of it. After the funeral Vellamo, Tellervo and Torben had their meal here, but nobody else seemed hungry, especially not my husband.

The troops have been busy, their duties now going from fighting a war to making everyone food. Thankfully there’s still enough in the pantries to feed us for a while. I don’t think Louhi ever ate, which would explain why the stockpiles weren’t touched.

Tuoni moves his head to kiss my arm. “No. They don’t know how to cook.” I glance down at his plate of spaghetti and bite back a smile. I think the troops have been cooking the pasta just fine, it’s Tuoni that doesn’t know what good Italian food tastes like. He thinks spaghetti should be hard as sticks.

“Perhaps you should think about sending the troops back then,” I tell him. “They’ve proved their worth. It’s not really fair to have them hang around Shadow’s End.”

He grumbles and leans back against me. “I need them to help clean up this place.”

“You have enough of us to clean it up. It’s my home, Lovia’s home too. We’ll get it spic and span. Besides, if you get my father to open up a portal to send the troops through, maybe he can go with them and sneak you back more chocolate and coffee.”

He twists his head to glance up at me. “You think Torben would go and come back?”

I nod. “I already talked to him. He says there’s nothing left for him in Finland. We tied up as many loose ends as we could over there. He wants to stay here, with me, with us.” I give him a firm look, letting him know that this isn’t negotiable.

He sighs. “Alright. I suppose this was going to happen no matter what I would say.”

I pull back and punch him on the shoulder. “You love my father. I know you do. You guys have had one hell of a bonding experience this last while.” He mutters something unintelligible. “Besides,” I go on, “he can go back and forth between our worlds with ease. Think of the movies he can smuggle in.”

That does seem to lighten his disposition. “I suppose I’ll allow my father-in-law to move in with us. Thank the Creator it’s a big enough castle. He can have the furthest wing.”

“Deal,” I tell him, letting him think he won. It’s the little things in this marriage.

I straighten up and smile. “I’m heading up to bed. Are you coming?”

He gives his head a shake. “No, I think I’ll stay up a little while longer. I need time to be alone.”

Sadness tugs at my heart. His voice sounds hollow now. The loss of Tuonen will be a mark on his soul until the end of time.

I swallow back the tears that threaten to flow and make my way out of the dining room and up the many stairs to our chambers. It isn’t fair that Gods can die. If you’re supposed to be immortal, then you should be immortal. To have one live forever with the absence of another is cruel. This must be what all the vampires go through, assuming there are such things. Nothing surprises me anymore.

But once I’m in my chambers and getting ready for bed, my heart is too heavy for sleep. I keep seeing Tuonen sinking into the deep, keep hearing the sob that escaped Tuoni’s lips and broke my heart right in two. This is a castle of grief from which there is no escape.

I go to the glass doors of the balcony and look outside. It’s snowing lightly, gathering on the stone railing and in the corners of the panes. It’s beautiful in its own way—the great dark sea below, the jagged mountains in the distance. Somewhere there’s Kuutar’s moon behind all those heavy clouds but I don’t expect to see fair weather for a long time. When I imagined us finally back at Shadow’s End, I thought there would be sunshine and reason to celebrate. For some reason I never imagined we would lose Tuonen in the process.

Was that naïve or just hopeful?

Is there even a difference?

I exhale heavily and stare at the flakes as they gather on the window pane. At least the snow is pretty. Though the more I stare at it, the lighter it becomes. I look up and suddenly I’m blinded, like a supernova is going off in front of me.

Instinctively I block my eyes, though it takes me a moment to realize I’m part of the fucking sun and I don’t need to do that. So I lower my arms and watch as a bright ball of sunlight lands on the balcony.

I step back, out of the way just as the doors blow open. Snow fills the room, followed by the glowing figure of my mother, Päivätär, Goddess of the Sun.

“Mother?” I ask, immediately humbled by her blinding presence. “Why are you here?” I can’t help but get a little nervous, like I’m in trouble for something.

She stares at me for a second, the solar flares around her body dimming, before she says, “Do mothers not visit their children sometimes?” As if I dared to question her. Then she says, “I have come to bear you a gift.”

“Oh?” The last gift she gave me was the whole damn sun, so I’m a little wary about what this could be. “Wouldn’t Kuutar be mad if you gave me the moon?”

“I’m not giving you the moon,” she says in a huff, growing brighter, totally not understanding what sarcasm is.

“That’s fine,” I tell her quickly, not wanting to see her offended. She may be my true mother, but she scares the shit out of me. “So what is the gift?”

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