Page 124 of Things We Burn

“Me too, Doc,” he murmured. “Best moment of my life right here.”

I fought tears of my own.

“Just wait until you hold her in your arms,” my doctor said.

“I’ll never be putting her down,” he vowed.

“Thank you for being so calm,” I said to Kane as we drove home.

He was holding the steering wheel with the ultrasound photo clutched against his hand, as if he were afraid to let it go.

“Calm?” he repeated, looking from the road to me. “I wasn’t calm, Chef. I was two seconds away from a goddamn heart attack. I’ve never been more afraid in my goddamn life.”

I gaped at him. “But you were so composed.”

“Yeah,” he scoffed. “Because you needed me to be composed. You needed a lighthouse in the storm.”

My mouth dropped open. A lighthouse in the storm. That’s exactly what Kane was for me. Even though I knew he was still mad at me. Even though nothing was resolved. He’d seen me unraveling, and he hadn’t hesitated to hold me together.

I didn’t know what to do, what to say, so I just burst into tears.

And I couldn’t stop.

Kane looked at, horrified and shocked. He’d never seen me cry. I’d never cried. Not like this. I was bawling. Full body sobs, shaking, hiccupping, coughing, all of it.

“Jesus Christ, Chef,” Kane muttered as he pulled off to the shoulder.

“I d-didn’t realize h-how much I wanted her until today,” I swatted at the tears racing down my cheeks. “I have been so caught up in being h-heartbroken, in pining f-for you, in pretending I wasn’t pining for you, making s-spreadsheets, I d-distanced myself ff-rom her.” I rubbed my stomach and she kicked in response, making me cry harder.

“Chef, breathe,” Kane commanded, putting the car in park before unbuckling his seat belt and all but leaping out of the car.

My breath came in short pants, and I let out a snort that, thankfully, Kane didn’t hear. My door wrenched open and Kane reached over, unbuckled my seat belt then moved me to a sitting position so he could rest his hands on my thighs.

“Chef,” he repeated, more quietly this time.

“I didn’t think I wanted to be a mom,” I whispered. “But it w-wasn’t an option to get rid of it because we made her. Even after I thought y-you didn’t want her.”

Kane’s tender gaze made me want to hide my face in shame.

“I never wanted this.” I pointed to my stomach. “I didn’t think I was maternal. And then she didn’t move. Then I thought she’d died inside me, and it felt like my life was over. Now it’s real. She’s our baby. You’re here. And we could lose her.”

My vision spun at all the things that could happen between now and her birth. Between now and the day I died. Illnesses, accidents, murderers, space junk hurtling from the sky.

“Chef, we’re not going to lose her.” Kane gripped my neck.

I swiped my eyes with my forearm, meeting his gaze. “You can’t know that.”

“I fuckin’ can,” he snarled. “I will go to hell and back. I will make deals with shamans, witches, demons, angels. I will raze this world to ensure that we do not lose her. That, I will vow. Nothing will happen to either of my girls. Never.”

He was saying the words, but it felt like he was etching them into stone. Into blood.

Logically, I knew that Kane couldn’t practice what he promised. I was a woman of science. I didn’t believe in the supernatural.

But I believed in Kane.

“But you h-hate me,” I hiccupped.

The hand at my neck tightened. “Avery Hart,” he growled. “Open your fucking eyes.”

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