Page 83 of Play It Sinful

Fuck.

Waiting for them to return is not an option. I pull my phone out to request an Uber. I can’t talk to Ashley right now. I need to think and come up with a plan. But the first thing I see on my screen is a text from her.

ASHLEY: I love you.

My world shatters completely. A few hours ago, those three words would have made my heart soar. Now, they’re like a punch to my throat. I cover my mouth with a fist to suppress a sob. It feels like I’m trapped in a room, and the walls are closing in, ready to blow. Forget the Uber. I break into a run, even though it’s started to snow again. In the distance, someone is playing “Jingle Bells.” I’d forgotten what day it is.

Merry fucking Christmas to us all.

CHAPTER 36

ASHLEY

Sean read my last my text, but he didn’t reply. I’m a mess about the situation with Chris too. Why won’t Sean talk to me? My heart is twisted into a vise hold because of how he’s acting. I don’t know what to do, and I need him. But I’m not going to give up on us. I’m determined to speak with him no matter what, even if that means speaking the truth in front of my mother. Chris already knows anyway; it’s only a matter of time until he tells her. It’s better if she hears the story from me. Surely she’ll understand that we can’t control who we fall in love with.

I text Mom to let her know we’re back. She asks us to go straight to Chris’s room. I’m shaking on the walk there, and my heart is stuck in my throat. I’m not sure what to expect.

“Do you think your dad will be against my relationship with Sean?” I ask Kenzie.

“Maybe? You actually know him better than I do.”

Her answer only makes me more anxious. I bite the inside of my cheek to stop from spiraling out of control. My pulse is racing. I need to calm down.

We find Mom sitting on a chair next to Chris’s bed, but she’s the only visitor in the room.

“Where’s Sean?” I ask.

My outburst gets Chris’s immediate attention. I feel small under his intense stare. Even in a hospital bed, he’s still imposing as shit.

“I don’t know, honey. He’s not answering my texts,” Mom replies.

That’s not good.

Kenzie approaches her father’s bed, but I remain rooted to the spot. The room wavers out of focus, and I can’t get air into my lungs. Kenzie asks how Chris is doing, but the sound of her voice is garbled in my ears. I need to move, get out of this room, and find a place to hide until I’m over the panic attack.

“Ash, are you okay?” Mom asks.

Hell. Too late.

Kenzie takes one look at me and understanding dawns on her face. She walks over and takes my hand. “Ash needs fresh air. We’ll be right back.”

She leads me out of the room, and in the hallway, tears begin to roll down my cheeks. Mercifully, the people we cross paths with pay us no attention. I guess in this area of the hospital, everyone is used to seeing someone cry. Depressing.

Kenzie leads to me to the nearest restroom, which seems empty. She spins me around and holds me by the shoulders. “You’ll be okay, Ash. Take deep breaths.”

I can’t hold her stare, so I focus on the pattern of her Christmas sweater as I try to control my breathing. Her sweater has snowflakes and snowmen all over it, and the pattern blurs together, thanks to the tears in my eyes.

It takes a while for my breathing to return to normal, but the tightness in my heart remains.

“Are you better now?” Kenzie asks.

“Yeah, I think so.” I turn to the mirror and wince. My eyes are bloodshot, and my face is red and wet.

“I don’t think I’ve ever seen you like that.”

“No, this was one of my worst episodes.” I splash cold water on my face, then quickly dry it.

“Maybe you should speak with Sean before you talk to our dad.”

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