Page 67 of These Pucking Boys: Part Two

“If you regretted your decision, why didn’t you come back for us?”

Her eyes fill with tears again. “I couldn’t do that to Simon. I had already hurt him too much. If I took you from him... I don’t know what he’d have done.”

“He would have most likely killed himself faster instead of going the route of suicide by booze,” I blurt out, regretting my words immediately when Mom winces.

“I could give you all the excuses in the world, but the reality is, I was a selfish woman. I never loved your father. It was wrong of me to marry him only to escape my father’s iron-fist rules.”

“You destroyed him.”

“I know, and I’ll never forgive myself for that. This illness hasn’t been easy, but I welcome all the suffering. It’s what I deserve.”

I lonely tear escapes the corner of my eye. “No one deserves this, Mom.”

“I want you to know that I’ve followed every step of your career. I even attended a few of your games.”

My brows shoot to the heavens. “You did?”

“Yes, and when I heard the news about the plane... it was the worst day of my life. I thought I had lost my chance to say how much I love you.”

I shuffle closer to her bedside, wiping away the tears that are freely rolling down my cheeks. “Why didn’t you ever try to contact me?”

“I didn’t think you’d want to see me. You were so angry when I left.”

“I was akid. I needed you.”

She takes my hand, and it shocks me how cold hers is. “I’m so sorry, sweetie. I know what I did is hard to forgive, and there’s little time left to try to earn your forgiveness.”

I bite the inside of my cheek, trying to stop my crying from turning ugly. My heart is a fucking mangled mess. “I came to see you once when I moved to LA.”

“You did?”

“I saw you with Mackenzie. I got jealous of you with her, so I left. I could have tried harder, and I didn’t. That’s on me.”

“No, sweetie. Don’t blame yourself. I won’t allow it. I’m the only one at fault here. And please, don’t resent your sister. She’sinnocent in all this. If I can’t have your forgiveness before I depart, I’d like you to give her a chance.”

I nod. “I will. I promise.”

“Mom?” Mackenzie walks back in. “You should rest.”

“I’m fine.”

I step back, wiping my face. “It’s okay. I can come back later.”

“You’re not going back to LA?” Mom asks.

“Not right away.”

She smiles softly. “Okay then. I suppose I could take a nap. I’m a bit tired.”

“I’ll see you later.” I walk out of the room and don’t stop to talk to anyone.

“Ryan... where are you going?” June asks.

“I need a minute, Peaches.”

I keep walking without a destination in mind. I don’t look at the signs, but somehow, I end up in the hospital’s chapel. Currently, it’s empty. I’m not a religious person, but I welcome the peacefulness. I take a seat and replay the conversation with Mom. Regret and sadness are making my chest so heavy, I can barely breathe.

I’m not sure how long I remain alone—maybe an hour or longer—but I don’t need to look to know when my solitude is broken. I can feel her.

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