Page 56 of Modern Romance Collection May 2024 Books 1-4

A tepid emotion, at best. Not the kind of emotion that could sustain a long life, build a family.

You need love for that.

Erin clamped down on that rogue thought. She didn’t want love. But she wanted more than just ‘like’.

She shook her head. ‘You said yourself this chemistry won’t last. Only days ago you were still determined not to have anything much to do with your daughter. And have you forgotten that you dumped me?’

Ajax’s face tightened. ‘I never forgot you.’

‘I had no idea you were still thinking about me.’

‘I came back for you.’

Erin all but rolled her eyes, the memory of him dumping her and the hurt and humiliation still vivid. ‘It sounds like you expected me to be waiting for you, frozen in time from the last moment we’d seen each other.’

A muscle ticked in his jaw. ‘I admit I handled it badly. I wanted you too much. You got too close, It freaked me out. I shouldn’t have let you go.’

‘And yet you did.’

But the sense of betrayal suddenly felt less. Ajax’s admission that he’d made a mistake settled deep inside her, where she didn’t want his words to land. They were too easy.

Too seductive.

She waved a hand. ‘Look, the past is the past. We are where we are. We have a child, and what we’re doing is protecting her future. The fact that you want to be involved is very welcome, but I don’t want a family with you, Ajax.’

‘You want a family with someone else?’ He said this flatly. ‘You’d prefer that our daughter would be brought up by someone who isn’t her father? For her to have half-siblings?’

‘There’s nothing wrong with that. Many families—’

‘I know.’ Ajax cut her off. ‘I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with it—if that’s how it happens organically. But I think we have something we can build on. Some marriages are made on a lot less than that—you said so yourself.’

Had she? This was different, though. She felt confused. Her priority was to protect Ashling from harm. From being rejected or abandoned by her father. Yet now Ajax was asking her to consider having more children—which, as far as Erin could see, would only multiply that threat.

She imagined a scenario where shewaspregnant again and what if Ajax changed his mind? Or maybe realised that the trauma of losing Theo was too big to surpass and he retreated back out of their lives again?

His change of heart was still too recent, too sudden to trust. That’s what she told herself now.

Erin shook her head. ‘No, I don’t think it’s a good idea.’

‘I’m offering marriage, Erin.’

‘Is this a proposal?’

That muscle moved in his jaw again. ‘Not the most romantic, maybe, but yes.’

At this evidence that he would actually be willing to marry her for every reason except for love, or romance, Erin had a seismic realisation. The realisation that shedidwant love, even though it scared the life out of her. She knew now that it was the only thing that would sustain a happy life. And maybe she’d find it someday with someone, but not with Ajax.

She said, ‘This isn’t about romance or love, I know that. But if my parents had had love—mutual love—then maybe my mother wouldn’t have left. Because she would have loved my dad enough to stay. Loved me enough at least to try.’

For a second—a heart-stopping moment—she wasn’t sure how Ajax would respond, and the sense of being on the edge of a cliff about to step into the void was dizzying.

Then he said, ‘I can’t offer you love, but I can promise to be faithful and supportive. To respect you.’

Erin’s dizziness faded. Of course he didn’t love her. And she didn’t love him. She didn’t want him to love her.

She shrugged. ‘Then I think I’ll be a better parent to Ashling living authentically, rather than turning our fake relationship into a fake marriage and bringing more children into the mix. That’s not the antidote to how I grew up—it’s just another form of dysfunction.’ Before he could say anything else, and confuse her, Erin went on, ‘You can’t admit that your parents’ example of an arranged marriage was any better? We’d be somewhere halfway between that and what I had. And,’ she said, ‘I don’t think we should do this again.’

‘Do what again?’ Ajax asked, civilly enough, but she could hear the steel in his voice.

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