Page 216 of Modern Romance Collection May 2024 Books 1-4

‘You’re right. I don’t know what I was thinking.’ She looked away, placing a hand against her chest. ‘If you’ll excuse me, I would like to be alone. I need to call Nell back and make arrangements for my trip to New York.’

Nodding and turning away, Domenico sucked in a silent breath that caused his heart and lungs to burn. He’d achieved what he wanted, but there was no sense of triumph in it, only misery.

CHAPTER FOURTEEN

RAEKNEWHERflight to New York would be boarding soon, so she cleared away the wrapper from her sandwich and, after a last glance at her phone, tucked it safely away in her bag. In ten hours she would be in Manhattan, building her plans for her future. A future that didn’t involve Domenico.

Her heart squeezed, the pain so acute that she felt it everywhere, but she breathed through it, knowing that leaving was for the best. This way, she would be safe and secure, taking a big step towards making herself invulnerable.

And Domenico didn’t want her anyway.

‘There is no us, Rae. This has just been a way to...close the door for good.’

The memory of those words carved through her, almost as cold and sharp as the first time. With them, he had made it clear where he stood, the sentiment rolling off his tongue without a single beat of hesitation.

Do you really believe that, Rae? That he doesn’t care for you? You know what you felt in his arms and saw glowing in his eyes—do you truly think that was all a lie? Or did you just accept the escape that he was offering because it was all becoming a bit too real, too scary?

Rae tried to swat away the thought, but it stuck, forcing her to examine its veracity and grudgingly acknowledge what motivations had driven her actions. She had been scared in that moment, standing at that crossroads that would set the tone for the following years of her life, a crossroads she hadn’t expected to come to, especially not so swiftly. But she would have chosen Domenico. She had wanted to choose him.

Then why didn’t you? Why didn’t you fight back against his words and tell him how much you love him and that you wanted to stay with him?

Because...a baseball-sized lump formed in her throat.

Because of fear. Because, faced with her rupturing heart and the pain exploding in every corner of her body, it had been easier to not fight. To accept his words, his rejection, and let it all go.

You promised to not be a coward any more.

Rae hissed out a breath, frustration with herself burning deep within, making her feel all twisted up inside. She had let fear win, allowed it to dictate her actions, and if she kept going, if she got on her flight, she would still be running, and not towards something she wanted, but away from something she was scared to want.

In that second, she knew what she needed to do.

She had to go back. She had to tell Domenico exactly how she felt, one final act of vulnerability, and probably the hardest one. But she had to do it. Her fear would never go away completely. With love there would always be fear. But if she faced it, it would shrink and its power over her would lessen. And maybe, in leading by example and putting her heart in Domenico’s hands, he would feel safe enough to put his in hers and conquer whatever it was that had made him hold back.

And if he didn’t love her, if everything he had said the other night was the truth, then Rae would just have to live with it. She wouldn’t be scared of that and she wouldn’t allow herself to fall apart, because she was strong and she was brave. She might not always remember that when she needed to, but that was who she was. Strong and brave, and it was time she started acting like it.

Overhead, the speakers flared into life, announcing that her flight was ready to board, but she was already on her feet and hurrying in the opposite direction, towards the exit. And, hopefully, towards love.

Domenico was relieved when the meeting was over.

His head hadn’t been in it. More than once he’d had to be prompted to answer a question that had been asked of him and that he hadn’t heard as he was too busy thinking about Rae, wondering where she was and what she was doing at that very moment, if she was missing him as profoundly as he was missing her. Not that that was likely, not after the words he’d spoken in their last conversation. But he’d had to make her leave and he hadn’t known any other way to do that.

Rising from his chair at the head of the long table, he knew he needed to get his thoughts in order before his conference call later that afternoon. To focus on the matters at hand. But it was a struggle.

He’d made a bad habit of stuffing his feelings down and never dealing with them and he didn’t want to do that any more, not after realising how all those unresolved emotions had festered in him like a contagion. He wanted to be better, to manage his emotions with more maturity so they didn’t constrain and control him as those childhood ones had, but allowing himself to feel his pain was agonising.

More than once he’d noted the time on his watch, calculated that he had time to race to the airport and stop Rae, tell her he hadn’t meant any of what he had said and plead with her to stay, but then his better sense overrode that emotion and for the hundredth time he sternly reminded himself that he had let Rae go for a reason, and a good reason at that—because of what was best for her, and that was a life with her career at the centre of it.

Are you sure you weren’t pushing her away more than letting her go?

Domenico wanted to reject the thought out of hand, but the twist of his gut forced him to concede that, yes, maybe he had been pushing Rae away to a certain extent. Because embarking on a future with her would require him to trust that he could be enough for her. A good enough man and a good enough husband, who wouldn’t screw up as epically as he had last time. And trusting in that,in himself, was not easy...not after everything he’d been through, all those years of pervasive doubt and insecurity. It lingered like a decaying stench and when faced with that very big question mark about their future, about his ability to give her a good future, that fear had blown up in his mind and he had reacted to it. Because he couldn’t bear to cause Rae pain again. To be the reason she was unhappy. He could think of no worse fate.

As he strode back to his office, Domenico passed his assistant at his desk. ‘I don’t want to be bothered for the next hour, Nico. No exceptions,’ he commanded wearily, sensing that Nico had words on his lips, but closing his office door before he could get them out.

He leaned back against the door, closing his eyes and giving himself a moment to buckle under the magnitude of his pain.

‘Having a bad day?’

His eyes snapped open. Sitting in his chair, behind his desk and looking right at him with her bright blue eyes was Rae. He blinked quickly, making sure he wasn’t imagining her.

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