Page 53 of His Hungry Wolf

“Can we go?” was his only reply.

Neither of us said a word as we walked back to my car. The silence continued until I opened my mouth to speak, and he cut me off.

“Can you reschedule my return flight? If I can, I would like to leave tonight.”

A chill washed through me. Everything I feared was coming true.

“But, why? You don’t have anything you need to rush back to, do you? You can stay with me. We could catch up,” I said, feeling my world fall apart.

“Merri, I need to go. Can you change my return flight, or do I have to buy a new one?”

“I can change it,” I told him, trying to hide the tears that rolled down my cheeks.

Back at my place, neither of us spoke. Changing his return flight and then watching him gather his stuff, I said, “At least let me take you to dinner. Can we do that?”

“I’m gonna head out,” he replied as if none of this meant anything to him.

“I’ll take you to the airport.”

“I ordered an Uber.”

“So, is this it?” I asked, no longer able to hide the tears.

Claude didn’t answer. He just said, “Bye, Merri,” and walked out of my life.

It was only then that I let loose everything I was holding back. Falling to the ground, I cried. I thought it had hurt the first time he had left me. But that was nothing compared to what I felt now.

Chapter 10

Claude

Why had I let myself want it? I was a fool to think that anything Merri was telling me was true. I knew I wasn’t as good as I used to be. I could feel it. Yet, I chose to believe him. I had trusted him when I knew that the only person I could trust was myself.

Now I felt like my insides were being torn out. I didn’t want this. I hadn’t wanted this. But getting a taste of it, I craved it like nothing I had felt before.

What was it that I wanted so badly? Was it to get back onto a football team? Was it to once again feel like I mattered? I didn’t know. All I did know was that I hurt. And the only ways I knew how to stop the pain was to shift or drain the life force from someone. Neither of which I could do here.

On the way to the airport, I held myself together. The same was true as I waited for my flight and boarded the plane. But with hours to think, my heartache and disappointment slowly took over. By the time I landed in Tennessee, I was fighting to maintain control.

Why weren’t any of my techniques for going numb working? I could still feel all of it, the unworthiness, the loneliness, they were all floating just below the surface.

On the bus ride from Knoxville, I felt like I was going to explode. I had to think about something else. Anything. If I wasn’t going to kill everyone around me, I had to pretend none of it had happened.

‘How’s it going in Florida?’ I read after a text notification from Titus.

“Shit!”

I wasn’t going to be able to pretend. Not now. Not when I got home. Everyone knew what I had gone to do because Merri had told them.

I would never be able to escape the questions. I was trapped. Merri had trapped me. I could no longer run from my feelings. Cowering in the corner like a scared child, I looked up at them.

The monster was dark and terrifying. Without mercy, it consumed me. And with nowhere else to run, I considered whether I should shift and tear everyone on the bus apart, or stand up and drain the passengers and bus driver dry.

I did none of those things. Something weirder happened. As if caught in an avalanche that I couldn’t escape, I fell forward in my bus seat and bawled.

It wasn’t just for the workout that I had cried. It was for everything. It was for hearing my best friend call me what he had. It was for the pain I felt bottling up my loneliness. It was for the eight-year-old who couldn’t have fun with his friends because he had had the survival of his entire species put on his shoulders.

With the tears flowing, it didn’t feel like they would stop. But it was a long bus ride between Knoxville and home. And getting off the bus at the closest stop 20 miles out of town, I retreated to the nearest bench, put my elbows on my knees, and my face in my hands.

---