Page 18 of His Hungry Wolf

“Yeah. When I flipped out on you, otherwise known as the last time I spoke to my best friend before he left school and disappeared out of my life.”

“I remember it well.”

“I said some stuff.”

“You did.”

“But now I can tell you the real reason I got so upset. It was because I had finally hit a point when I couldn’t pretend any more. I was…” he nodded his head to soften his words, “in love with my best friend, the star player on my dad’s football team, on which I was the assistant coach.”

“You had a lot of things going on,” I said not knowing what else to say.

“There were a few things,” he said looking mortified. “So when you then informed me that you were choosing to take early graduation, I didn’t handle it well.”

“You called me a “fucking de…”.”

“Please don’t say it,” he said cutting me off with his eyes closed and his face turning beet red. “I know what I said. And I’m so, soooo, sorry.”

“You know, I’ve thought a lot about what you said since then. What I could never understand is why you went straight there.”

“Because I’m a fucking asshole,” he said, unable to look at me.

“No, I’m serious. You had never brought up what I was in a negative way before. Not once. But in that moment you went straight there. Why?”

“There is no excuse but I was in a lot of pain. What you said devastated me and you said it to me like you didn’t give a shit about how I felt. So, I said the thing I thought would hurt you the most.”

I thought about that.

“You know, when I was a kid, and I’m talking 8-years-old, I was at a classmate’s birthday party. After the cake and ice cream I saw one of the kids head towards the bathroom. I don’t know why, but I followed him. It felt like I was stalking an animal.

“Testing the door knob, I found it unlocked. My pulse raced. I didn’t know what I wanted to do but instincts were taking over.

Quickly opening the door and sliding in, he turned to look at me. He was about to ask what I was doing there when I grabbed his face and inhaled.

“I had never felt anything like it. It felt so good, I knew it was wrong. But I couldn’t stop myself.

“It was like the two of us were one. I was consuming him. I would have killed him if in the middle of it, my mother hadn’t entered and broken my hold.

“Snapping out of it, I was immediately ashamed. Looking around, I found the boy sprawled on the ground unconscious. He had peed himself. I didn’t know what had happened.

“That’s when my mother grabbed me and hurried me out. I asked her if we should help the boy. She said no. She explained that if we did, we would have to tell everyone what happened. Once that happened, the parents of my friends would hunt us. Not only would they kill me and Momma, they would then hunt down all of our kind.

“She told me that, in no uncertain terms, I could never tell anyone what we were. I had to hide it and I had to convince everyone I was just like them.

“I carried her words with me for a long time. It shaped me. I was painfully repulsed by what I was capable of.

“But then I went to university and I made a friend. That friend convinced me that I shouldn’t hide who I was. That I didn’t have to hold back. He made me believe that no matter what I told him about myself, he would always be my friend.

“So, I shifted in front of him. When that didn’t faze him, I told him what I was instructed not to tell anyone. To my incredible surprise, he seemed okay with it. He accepted me for who I was… until one day when he said…”

“Don’t say it. Please don’t say it,” Merri begged.

“…That I was a fucking demon and hoped someone hunts me down and hangs me from a tree.”

Merri lowered his head as tears wetted his cheeks.

“On top of everything else, you hear the racial undertones of that, right?” I asked.

“I wouldn’t blame you if you never forgave me. I wouldn’t forgive me if I were you. In fact, if you want me to leave, I’ll go.

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