“I think you handled it well. Time out and just let’s all talk about it. No blowups.” He chuckled when I gestured around with my chopsticks as if saying I didn’t keep it calm. “Tams, your life is fucking crazy. If you were a normal student with onerelationship this might have been a bit much. But your life isn’t, and you get all of the fucking passes.Infinitypasses.”
That was the part I missed and kept having a hard time reminding myself of.
“I don’t know how to handle your jealousy about making an earthquake with Neldor,” I admitted. “And I don’t want to be dismissive of it.”
“That’s for us to deal with and bring to you if we need to,” he countered. “If we can’t even bring it up—like you are about this and your concerns—then we don’t—it’s not for you to worry about.”
I nodded and ate a few more dumplings. “But I still do. Are we okay at least?”
He smiled and used his chopsticks to pick up a dumpling, holding it out to me. “Tams, we’ve rocked the world a hundred times over. People just aren’t on the same frequency as us to feel it.”
I fucking swooned. Seriously. The man was likedeadlysexy.
I ate my dumpling and tried not to fan my face.
And probably failed miserably.
Seriously.
Just…Seriously.
For real, Julian Craftsman was just too fucking sexy, and I was getting turned on instead of upset now. He tucked his shoulder-length curly dark blonde hair behind his ears before his intense emerald-green eyes met mine. They flashed shock as he probably saw something in my aura.
Definitely from the way he licked his lips. “How about we finish this and then I can show you exactly what I’m talking about?”
Shit, I was about panting. I shook off my lust and nodded, glad when more food came. I ordered some more for now whileJulian looked over the menu for what we could take to go, especially for second and third dinners.
“Get all the sweet and sour options. Extra sweet and sour sauce and egg rolls. Eat them off of me with Darby again.” I cleared my throat when he simply chuckled and wrote it on his long list. “And a few dozen spring rolls. You guys like those too.”
I rolled my eyes when he covered his face. Yeah, yeah, I wasn’t subtle.
“Tell me what’s going on with Neldor. No judgment. Just let it out like you would with Izzy so I can tell you that you’re valid.”
“Only if I am.”
“Tams, I already know you are. You might be letting it snowball because of how overburdened you are, but if you feel upset, you’re already valid. I learned that in therapy and I feel it. Now, you could be wrong if youmisunderstoodsomething, and if you did, we can figure that out. But just get this off of you.”
It helped that he was focused on the menu and writing. I was completely sure that was why he was doing it… So I took advantage of that.
“He didn’t say anything about the sex,” I blurted before stuffing some lo mein in my mouth. “Nothing. Just assumed the moment we were done having our wings out and the healers cleared us we were having more sex. Like that’s it? All of our talking and consideration about how to proceed and what we were to each other and that was it?
“It just all feels like bullshit lip service and now he got what he wanted and I can just be easy for him. And I know I need to let that go, but I still hear it. I still feel… It’s hard to trust him after all he did even if I do. I—he did a lot anddeepto deserve my hate and distrust. Plus, after our first disaster of world’s worst sex to say like oh, this was great and—”
“Wait, what ‘first disaster?’” Julian cut in, glancing up. “You weren’t only together that one time with the earthquake?”
I winced, totally forgetting I didn’t tell anyone else besides Calarel because we really had to. “Um, so, right, I didn’t want to embarrass—well, really both of us.” I sighed and caved when worry filled his eyes. I told him what happened, then growled when he looked like he might laugh. “Julian, it was so bad webothfaked finishing.”
He opened his mouth and then closed it before trying again. “How does a duffer even fake? I mean, you would likeknowthat—”
“Yeah, I did know. I’m assuming I was so bad that he went soft and faked it. I left and checked and yeah, no finish.”
He snorted and frowned when I flinched. “Tams,youare not bad at sex. Ever. Half asleep, drunk off your ass—ever. Everyinchof you is seduction and just—it wasn’t you. There’s no way it—it was him.”
I shrugged. “It was me too. He put so much into it and then it got awkward and every time something went wrong I felt like I couldn’t get my footing—it was both of us.”
“Fine, but it was ninety percent him and all his fault to start,” he defended as he focused on our food. He snorted, shaking his head.
“Julian,” I growled.