Page 70 of The Butcher

“Well, that makes me feel better.”

Nash gives me one of his rare, adorably shy smiles. “I don’t usually like going along with Clayton’s ideas, mainly because we end up in some kind of trouble, but I think he got it right this time.”

That’s the only reason I’m even doing this.

That, and as stupid as it sounds, I really want to see Bramley again. I haven’t said that out loud, and I don’t really plan on announcing it any time soon, but it’s true.

He was horrible, and he validated all of my thoughts in regards to his disdain for me. He even managed to give life to my fear of being asked to leave the security and comfort I’ve found in not only his home, but Obsidian Falls as a whole.

Bramley was everything I expected him to be, he wanted nothing to do with me, and his anger was almost enough to make me tuck tail and leave.

I didn’t, though, because it wasn’t. I’ve had much worse than that growly alpha.

While I believe wholeheartedly that Bram is probably a pretty ornery, aggressive man a good majority of the time, the anger he displayed the other night wasn’t directed at me. I don’t know that for sure, especially since he kicked me out in the middle of it, but I got the impression that he was mad at himself.

He probably still hates me, but at least he isn’t angry with me.

Well, he wasn’t. I’m sure that’ll change the second Nash and I walk into the butcher shop.

Ugh. “This is such a bad idea, Nash.”

He looks away quickly and I hear a quiet, sharp inhale followed by him clearing his throat. “Deep down, he is a good guy.”

Nash does that whenever I say his name, and it makes me smile every time.

“Bram has a good heart, he just…” He scrubs a hand over his beard and then motions for us to start walking. “He wouldn’t have brought you here if…” Nash blows out a breath as he pushes his glasses up his nose. “It is really hard convincing someone who doesn’t know him that he’s not as bad as he seems. I honestly don’t think I’ve had to before.”

I giggle a little, then sigh. “You and Clayton wouldn’t love him if he was all bad. I just don’t know what to make of him yet.”

“Now that is something I’m familiar with. No one knows what the hell to make of Bramley.”

“I don’t understand him at all.”

“You’ll figure it out.” Nash moves closer, stepping out of the path of an older couple going the opposite direction, and when he does, his hand brushes the back of mine. “Sorry.”

I force myself to keep breathing normally, the accidental touch making it hitch, and it is something I instantly want more of. “It’s okay.”

It is, but it isn’t because it also has me thinking about the conversation Clay tried to have with me yesterday. The one I shut down faster than he expected, and in a way that would have had my mother scolding me for sure.

He wanted to talk about what my plan is for when I go into heat.

And I absolutely did not want to talk about that at all.

I’ve thought about it. A lot. To the point that I’ve given myself so much anxiety I felt sick, but that is something else I don’t need to expose Clay or Nash to.

My anxiety has gotten better and worse since living here; the worse is not pretty, and I’ve been content with only having it hit when I’m alone.

That’s how it was at the ranch.

It was mostly under control because I was so used to how things were. I had a relatively predictable though unpleasant routine, and I didn’t have any real issues until my mother died. Being away from the morbid normalcy of the ranch has given me this strange level of freedom I don’t think I’ll ever get used to while also gifting me with a newfound paranoia that comes and goes without warning.

One of the things that triggers it? The idea of going into heat out here.

Not outside on the sidewalk or anything, but not at the ranch. Outside of it. Away from it.

I’ve never gone into heat naturally, nor have I been without a way to handle it when it happens.

Clayton was being thoughtful and kind by asking about it, even if he caught Nash and I off guard with the conversation. He assumed, correctly, that I’ll probably have to start planningfor that sooner rather than later based on how long I’ve been here, but I had no idea how to respond when he asked what they needed to do to help me prepare and when we needed to start doing that.

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