Page 67 of Texting My Secret Santa

I stand. “Dan, wait.”

He faces me, still smiling, still oblivious. “Yeah?”

This is my chance. I’m chickening out. He could already have a message from Derek waiting for him in his inbox with a recording of me calling his sister, the little Tarantino who followed us around as kids, “my woman.”

“I’m glad the date went well.”

He beams. “Me too.”

Once he leaves, I drop into my chair. I should talk to Mia. One of my team members is a blackmailing asshole, and I’ve pushed another way.

My phone vibrates.

Holly:Derek has agreed to give me some time. I’m going to make this right. Please tell me you haven’t told Dan anything.

Me:I haven’t,I reply,but I should. I’m being a coward. That’s the only thing that’s stopping me.

Holly:Please, don’t do anything rash. I can salvage this. I know you think I’m immature, but I’m more capable than you give me credit for.

Me:You’re not immature,I reply.I lost my temper earlier. You’re more mature than me. You’re the one who says we need to stop. For me, Snowflake, even with everything falling down around us, I still don’t want to.

She doesn’t text back. I stand, deciding I need to apologize to Mia. Whatever else is happening, I shouldn’t be snapping at my employees.

She’s not at her desk.

Perhaps she’s gone to HR. Another mess I’m unable to clean up.

Me:Any news from the douchebag?I text around an hour later, the most unproductive hour of my working life.

Holly:Nothing yet. I’ll keep you updated. How’s your day going apart from all this craziness?

Me:Terribly, I tell her.One of my employees, Mia, has been making eyes at me. We had an interaction at a bar, too, where I got the same vibes. Earlier,I snapped, telling her I wouldn’t sleep with my employees. My best friend’s sister, sure, but not my employees … That’s how much of a hero I am.

Holly:Whoa, you ARE in a dark mood.

Me:Can you blame me?

Holly:Have you spoken to Mia?

Me:Not yet. She disappeared, probably to get my ass fired. After everything we’ve done, it’s better than I deserve. I almost told Dan earlier. He came by to talk about his date. He was so happy; I couldn’t bring myself to do it.

Holly:I’m sorry for how things went with Mia,she texts.Thank you for not telling Dan. I still think there’s a way out of this.

Me:Is there a way that includes us being together, Snowflake?

Holly:You know the answer to that. I will say (and this is bad, major mixed signals territory) I’m relieved you haven’t got another Mia on your Christmas list.

I smile despite myself, despite everything.

Me:There’s only one woman on my list, and I’m her not-so-secret Santa.

Holly:Whatever else happens, we’ll always have those memories. You at the toy drive. The dinner. The climbing center …

Me:They might seem small to other people, but to me, Snowflake, they’re everything.

Holly:I feel exactly the same.

I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to let her go. Let’s say I continue working here—which was always the plan—how will I handle seeing her around the office, maybe with other men? How am I going to survive knowing we can never be together?

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