Page 60 of Texting My Secret Santa

Another smile. Again, too freaking easy. “Snow globe?”

“That’s how I think of us. When we’re together, everything else seems far away. We’re inside a snow globe, shaking each other up. The rest of the world doesn’t matter because it doesn’t exist.” He takes my hands, sliding his thumbs over my knuckles. “That’s the thing about having an addict for a parent. It makes a person’s mind erratic. The past becomes depressing, the future becomes unsure, and the present is intolerable. With you, the past is sweet. The future is sweeter. The present is pure temptation. If it wasn’t for …”

He lets my hands go.

“For my brother,” I whisper, tears sliding down my cheeks.

“Hey, Snowflake. It’s okay.” He tenderly touches my face and wipes my tears away. “You don’t have to cry.You’renot broken. You don’t need this snow-globe world. One day, you’ll find another man, one you can be with without shame or constantly worrying. You’ll be happy.”

“I won’t,” I snap. “I want you, Asher. You’re the only …”

I turn away.

“I’m tired. I need to go to bed. I-I’m sorry.”

“Stop apologizing,” he says fiercely as I stride from the room.

I half wish he’d follow me, but I know it’d only end in disaster.

CHAPTER 22

ASHER

Imake it until two a.m. before I give in to the desire to text her. Maybe I can shoot off this message and then get some sleep. She’s probably asleep, anyway.

Me:What were you going to say, Holly? “You’re the only …” Then you stopped. You looked scared.

Any chance of sleep becomes a distant thought when her reply appears.

Holly:You shouldn’t ask me questions like that, Asher. It’ll lead to bad places.

Me:Bad because you don’t want it? Or bad because it means we’re betraying someone?

Holly:Betrayal,she replies.

Me:I can’t get how you looked out of my head,I tell her.You were terrified. Then you ran like you didn’t want to be anywhere near me, as if it physically hurt you to be close to me.

Holly:Maybe I didn’t want to be judged.

Me:Judged about what?

Holly:Oh, God, Asher! I was going to say, “You’re the only one I’ve ever wanted.” Okay?! When I was a kid, I had a crush on you. It was a silly, childish crush. Then you came home, and I realized the crush never went away.

Me:Why would you be ashamed about that?I reply.That’s just silly stuff from childhood. What we have now has no relation to that. Unless you think you’re only interested because you had a crush on me a million years ago?

Holly:No, of course not,she replies.I’m interested (understatement alert) because of everything about you, about us. I thought you might be grossed out if you knew about the crush.

I smirk.

Me:As far as complications go, that’s pretty damn low on the list.

Holly:Fair enough. I need to get some sleep. Please don’t text me again. I keep telling myself I will not reply, but it’s impossible.

I do what she asks, lying in bed and staring restlessly up at the ceiling. Sleep seems just as impossible as her inability to ignore my texts. The date was torture because the woman looked at me like Mia does in the office. The attention of any woman who isn’t my best friend’s sister is painful.

I want Dan to come home so I can stop thinking about leaving my bedroom, sneaking down the hall, busting open Snowflake’sdoor, and telling her,“We’re alone. You don’t have to worry. Tonight can be our snow globe …”

Then I’ll kiss her perfect lips, down her neck, take her peaks in my mouth as I massage her haven.

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