Page 13 of Passion and Revenge

“So help me, God. Salvadore, if you complete that stupid sentence, I’m going to find you and kick you in the nuts.”

I’ve had just about enough of Sal. He always did this. Attributing my decisions, or lack thereof, to my age or inexperience in life. As though I was so incapable of knowing what I really wanted.

“You only respect my decisions when they favor you, and that’s an asshole move.” I continue, “Why is my ending things with you not as valid to you as me saying yes to you? If you think I’m so young and so fickle, you should never have accepted my decision to be with you either.”

I hear something crash on the other end of the phone. “Dammit, Sienna. Why won’t you ever just listen? This is what’s best for you! You think those assholes out there will be half as good to you as I was? Those imbeciles will just try to take advantage of you and hurt you, and it will break your father’s heart.”

The headache spreads to the side of my head, and I cup my head in my hands, massaging my temples. “You’re the asshole, Sal. Believe it or not. And honestly, I’m sick of you bringing my father into this. You know nothing about him?—”

“That’s nonsense,” he cut in. “Ivan and I?—”

“You know nothing, absolutely nothing, about him if you think he will ever put his personal desires over my happiness.”

Sal’s voice becomes soft and so fragile that it tugs at something in my heart. “Please, Si, I can make you happy. I’m going to do whatever you want and be better for you. I love you.”

Kat will go completely berserk when I tell her about this conversation. I’m tempted to just hang up. I don’t want to keep on going in circles with him because this is most definitely not going anywhere.

Thinking of my best friend succeeds in hardening my heart. “No, you can’t change, Sal. You couldn’t when we were together, and you wouldn’t be able to even if I gave you another shot. It’s not you?—”

He chuckles bitterly. “Don’t give me that cliché bullshit. I’ll respect you a little less.”

As if I gave two shits about my ex, of all people, respecting me.

“It’s me,” I say to complete the sentence, ignoring his irritated groan. “You’re wonderful, Sal. But you’re not what I want or need.”

“And what is it you think you need?”

I close my eyes for a moment, and Vincent’s face plays through my mind. I see him as clearly as that night, and a shiver ripples through me. The dark promise in his gaze, the seduction dripping from his every word and action, even the tiniest flicker of his hand. I see him smile at me, looking like sin wrapped in a gentleman’s suit.

Him.

I need Vincent.

And I know it’s crazy, but I’m long overdue for some crazy.

Sexual attraction is something that has eluded me since that awful incident years ago. With my ex, I couldn’t really tell if it was just him or if I was the problem, so I kept my mouth shut and told myself to fake it.

Why I think it’ll be different with Vincent, I have no idea. Maybe it’s a good thing we didn’t go farther that night.

If I had disappointed him too, then I don’t think I’d be able to live with the knowledge that I’ve been broken for all men.

“Si?” Sal’s voice brings me back to reality—the glaring reality that Vincent is gone, and all I’ll ever have of him are memories.

I need him, but I can’t have him.

“Things you can’t give me.”

“I see.” His tone makes it clear he doesn’t see at all, and I decide I’m done with the conversation.

My morning run has been successfully ruined, all thanks to Sal.

“Goodbye, Sal.”

“I’ll call you later,” he says and hangs up.

My hands tighten around the plastic of my phone, and I want to bang my head against the nearest surface in frustration.

Spinning around, I begin the long walk home, my shoulders tight with tension. I’m no longer in the mood to run, but I know as soon as I’m cooped up back in my house, the restlessness will start driving me insane.

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