Page 17 of Always Heated

“Great,” I say at least an octave too high. “Since everyone has established that my garden is destroyed, and the pipes are fixed, thank you all so much for coming. Truly, I appreciate all of your help. I’m so sorry for sounding like an asshole, but I’d love my house to myself for the night, if that’s okay?”

I hug Pop, Caleb, then Travis’ dad, who has been nothing but kind to me my whole life. As he wraps his arms around me, there’s a hint of the same spicy citrus that I get from Travis, making my heart break even further. He’s always been another father to me all these years. If it doesn’t work out with Travis, will I ever hug him again?

To not make things appear awkward, I hug Travis too, but he kisses the top of my head and whispers into my hair, “I’m not going anywhere.” The admission stops my heart and I swallow thickly.

As I step back from Travis, Zack wraps an arm around my shoulders again. I squash the assumption that he’s staying, and telling him, “Thank you for coming. Can I call you in the morning?”

I feel as if I’ve been stabbed in the gut as he tilts my chin, kissing me softly. “Of course, Cass. Call me when you’re home from work. I have to be at the clinic a little before eight-thirty.”

“Okay.” It’s the only reply I can manage without word vomiting, though I can’t imagine having this conversation before he starts work. “Actually, can we talk later? I can come by your place.”

“Of course.” His sweet smile returns, and as everyone files out of my house, I’m left feeling incomplete, as if a part of me left without saying goodbye. I’m not sure if the ache is from the dread of breaking things off with Zack, or because Travis is messing with my head. Whatever it is, I deserve it, and my heart feels more broken than I’ve felt in my life.

travis

. . .

Two days. For two of the longest days of my life, I’ve waited for a knock at my door. When it finally happens, I shrug it off as a salesman or Cay. Except, Caleb has a key. Maybe they’ll go away if I pretend I’m not home.

I fucked up, forcing Cass into an impossible situation. We’re consenting adults, but she’s engaged. I never should’ve encouraged what we did.

I can still taste her.

Since I’m leaving tomorrow morning to help with the fire construction work, Pop invited me to have lunch with him. I’m not sure if Cass or Caleb will be there; it could only be the two of us. It’s almost better that way. There’s another succession of three knocks. My pup is eagerly rushing to my front door as if my future wife is on the other side of it.

I’m projecting, but Inferno loves Cassidy, so it could actually be her, but she has a key.

I set down my iced tea, only making it half way out of my seat before a key is in my lock and Cass comes storming in, looking as if she hasn’t slept in days. She makes a beeline formy coffee maker with a quick, “Hey, Inferno. We’ll play later after I talk to your daddy.” I rush over to her, and as I reach the kitchen, the first thing I check is her ring finger. Empty. I’m about to ask what happened when she steamrolls over me, hands braced on my counter. “I broke it off. But that doesn’t mean I’m yours.”

“Cass, I…”

She breaks.

Lowering her head, sobs rattle her whole body, and without a second thought, I turn her to face me. Wrapping her in my arms, I refuse to let go. Her tears wet my shirt as I slide my hand into her hair and hold her close.

“I’m sorry, so sorry about the other day,” I tell her softly. “How can I fix this?”

Cass pulls back to look at me, and I wipe away her tears with my thumbs. With her face in my hands, I’m desperate to kiss her, but it’s not what she needs right now. She takes a deep breath, her eyes searching mine. “What is this? What are we doing?”

“Do you love Zack?”

Shaking her head, she admits, “I told him everything and he still wants to marry me.”

“That doesn’t answer my question.” I tuck a few rogue strands of hair behind her ear and ask again, “Do you love Zack?”

“I do, but I’m notin lovewith him. There’s never been fire or passion; no fireworks. If I married him, I would be marrying a friend who I care deeply about. But that’s what we’re supposed to do, right? Marry your best friend? That’s the dream that’s sold to us, but I want… more.”

“I guess by that logic I’m screwed. Caleb is my best friend, and he’s off the market.”

Cass rests her forehead on my chest and huffs a small laugh. “I’m being selfish.”

I kiss the top of her head and whisper into her hair, “No, you’re not. You want someone who makes the whole world melt away when you’re with them. That’s not selfish, Cass.”

I’m grateful she doesn’t look up as she asks, “Is that what you want?”

I hold her tighter. “Yeah. I want someone who embraces my chaos, supports and encourages me, loves my flaws and sees them as strengths. Someone who, for so many years, I fought how I felt about them, because I was too afraid they wouldn’t love me back.”

“That’s very poetic, but that’s not me.”

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