One of them must have pulled the curtains closed because it’s darker in here, but not so much so that I can’t findmi pétalo y mi bebésleeping soundly in the middle of the king sized bed.
Tiptoeing to her, I get a rush of adrenaline when my knee hits the edge of her mattress without an alarm sounded. I grin and ease my way up slowly, only to freeze when she flops on her back and narrows her eyes at me.
“Dios mio, Ez. Would you just knock like a human being?” I expect for her to kick me out. Instead she just closes her eyes and waves me to her.
I crawl over her body, my knees pinning the blanket around her legs she’s tucked under. “I thought you’d tell me to leave,” I admit.
“Yesterday, yes. Today, I’m tired and cold.” She makes grabby hands, and I lay partially over her, avoiding any pressure on her stomach. Rolling into me, she buries her face against my shirt, then pulls back and wrinkles her nose. “Your shirt is scratching my face.”
Shifting away, I reach behind my head and yank off my shirt, then use my toes to push my socks away. Lifting the blanket, I scoot under the covers and pull her into me, using my body heat to warm her.
“Can I ask you something?” She’s resting her head on my chest, her lashes brushing my skin every time she blinks. There’s a long pause before she moves me so I’m on my back and she folds her arm under her chin to stare at me. “It’s a serious question.”
I nod, a bit concerned by her tone shift. “Anything.”
“I’m concerned by how attached you’re growing to me and the baby. Not that I don’t want you to be if you are the father, but… what if you’re not? It feels unfair to allow that attachment to grow knowing there’s a seventy-five percent chance you’re going to walk away. And what if?—”
Pressing my fingers against her mouth, I wait until she sighs.
“I’m going to answer you seriously,mi pétalo.” Her eyes flare at my use of her nickname in Spanish. “I’m attached because of you, not this guy.” Palming her stomach, I run my hand to her hip and tug her closer. “I was the moment you stepped out of Kev’s car at the cabin all those months ago and it hasn’t stopped, not even once. Ineedto be near you. Unless you actually tell me to leave you totally alone, I can’t walk away.”
Her eyes dance across my face, then fall to the scar on my cheek. The desire to turn away is surprisingly absent even as she reaches up to touch it. All she asks is, “Why?”
I shrug. “I’m not good at knowing the words, to be honest. But you’re in here,” I tell her, tapping my chest. With her fingertip tracing the puckered skin, I grab her hand and hold it to my face. “You calm the storm in my head.”
Swallowing hard, I let her be the first to break eye contact. “Why do you do it?” she asks softly, eventually dragging her eyes back up to me.
“Do what?”
“Pay women to have sex with all of you? I would never have gone if I’d known it was for a paycheck. Kevin… he made it sound like it was something I could do for myself.”
I grow aggravated all over again, then push her to her back and hover over her. “They all have their reasons for it, but I’m telling you right now, I never contributed to money being exchanged for it. I won’t deny that I didn’t know it happened sometimes, but it’s not why I’m there. I hate you think that of me, and I’m sorry that I made you feel bad about yourself.”
“Why do you do it? What’s your reason?”
“Because I spent my entire childhood running and hiding from a piece of shit who was supposedly my father. It was my way to calm what’s in here,” I say, now tapping aggressively at my head. “To reverse the role and know there’s no way I’ll be caught when I’ve got my sights on my target. The sex? Well, that was just a way to blow off steam to hurry toward my adrenaline crash.”
She doesn’t show a lot of emotion, sensing I’m close to the edge, but her eyes are shinier than before. “Tell me what he did to you?”
I drop my head and roll my forehead against her chest, enjoying the soft scent of her. Into her skin, I mumble it all out.
“They were addicts. Everything under the sun, they drank, snorted, injected, swallowed. Andhewas a monster when high or drunk. He’d chase me around the house and yard with whatever was on hand to hit me with, so I’d hide. Sometimes, my mom would be lucid enough to help me, then she’d tried to manage him and would use whatever he was right alongside him. She’d forget where I was locked.”
My petal blows out a shaky breath. “Then he died.”
I lift my head and stare at her in surprise.
Her smile is sad when she says, “Tatum told me that much. He said that your dad died and your mom and his dad started up together before things went downhill fast. That’s why you two joined the military.” She touches my cheek again. “Was this from before or after?”
“After.” Her hand falls away, and I touch the scar. It was an ambush that sent shrapnel flying around us and I got hit. “My mom said it was a shame the army ruined my face. She said I took after my dad and he was always so handsome.”
Watching her for the better part of half a year, I know when she’s furious, and right now? Miriam is fucking pissed.
“Fuck that bullshit.” Even with me hovering over her, she pushes up and presses her lips right against the tortured skin. “Que se ahogue con un pene!”
Pushing my cheek against her mouth, I nuzzle her until her head falls back to the pillow and I return the affection. “I really don’t want to think of her choking on dicks. Terrible language to use aroundmi bebé.” Then I kiss her, slipping my tongue into her mouth when she gasps.
She battles against my kiss with a desire to keep it going and end it at the same time. I know she’s about to lay into me. Eventually, she bites my lip hard enough that I draw away, grinning mischievously.