Page 93 of Muted

I do my best to meet his eyes, but I just… Ican’t. Squeezing mine shut, I try to twist away, but he holds me firm. Both of his hands are holding my face with his fingers threaded through my hair, cupping my head.

“I’m sorry. I was trying to lighten the mood. To let you know I didn’t feel uncomfortable or awkward about what happened yesterday. That was in poor taste, and I should have considered that you aren’t there just yet or might be confused by everything.”

Iknewthat’s what he was doing, but it didn’t feel good to me. This is all a lot to handle, a lot of ‘man’ to be involved with. He’s right, though. I’m not there yet in my head because I don’t know where everyone stands. We haven’t had those conversations, with the exception of Theo.

Shrugging, I try to let him know it’s okay, but he shakes his head firmly. “No, you don’t have to brush that off. I won’t do that again, at least not right now. I would like to talk about it, if you’re comfortable?”

My inhale is shaky, but I nod once to let him know we can.

“Stay here a second,” he tells me, then grabs my hips to shift me further onto the trunk so I won’t slip off. Then he goes to my side of the car, reaching in to grab something, and comes back with my phone in his hand. “Here, so you can answer me. I suspect you’re not feeling up to actually talking. Am I correct?”

My laugh is broken with a soft sob, and I nod again that he’s right. Running his hand over my hair, practically petting me, he cups my face once more before taking a step back to give me space.

“Are you upset about my involvement yesterday?” Straight to the point. I would have liked to start off a little easier, but it’s a fair question for him to ask. There’s no need to type out my answer.

I shake my head slowly, telling him I’m not. And I’m really not. Surprised, sure. Didn’t see that coming in a million years, but I definitely don’t have any regrets where Chester is concerned.

Running a hand over his mouth, he breathes out heavily through his nose, then crosses his arms and considers me with narrowed eyes. Not in anger, just like he’s thinking about what to ask next.

Speaking slowly at first, he explains, “I’m trying to figure out why what I said brought on tears. So, give me a minute.” He’s frowning hard as he analyzes me, eyes flickering to where he wiped away the few stray tears from my skin.

Another half cry, half giggle escapes me because I swear to God, Chester is the most transparent person I’ve ever met. I’m beginning to really love that about him. Choosing to give him a bit of help, I type out a message.

‘You didn’t say anything wrong. It was the way it was just laid out there and it hit me all at once. Both of them expressed an interest in dating, then yesterday happened. I’m NOT upset that happened, but I’m confused. The thought of ‘What the fuck am I doing?’ slammed into my head and I just sort of… I don’t know.’

Holding the phone out to him, he holds my gaze until my phone is in his hand, then he drops them to read my explanation.

His shoulders relax when he looks back up, handing me back the phone. “You just sort of crumbled.”

I mouth yes, and feel a sense of peace when he smiles warmly at me. Another step closer, he maintains that space, but only just.

His head tilts to the side slightly while he again considers what he wants to ask or say next. “I ought to apologize for adding more to your plate, but I won’t. I also don’t expect an answer right now. You said both Theo and Vance told you they wanted to date you. I’m expressing the same interest as well.” Then he shrugs, closing his eyes like he didn’t just make my head explode from the blood rushing to it. “So, yeah, sorry not sorry.”

How is this my life right now?

I blink at him, then blink again, staring blankly, shocked. I can’t think.

HOW IS THIS MY LIFE RIGHT NOW?

A smirk lifts his lips, and he takes another step closer. My eyes fall to my knees that are now touching his hips. Contact. I can feel his heat radiate through both sets of our clothing, then his breath fan across my cheek as he leans forward, planting his hands on the car, caging me in.

“I’m not sure if I should be offended by your surprise or intrigued and flattered that you’re speechless. I’m choosing to go with the second because I can see the way your pulse is pounding. Just here…” He reaches up and presses a finger against the side of my neck, the muscles going to mush under his touch, instantly easing the painful tension that’s always there.

It’s all gone. All the aching strain that I live with constantly. It dissolved away into nothingness, like it never existed. I swallow and it feels as if I’m stretching my legs when I first wake up. It feels so… I didn’t know the pain was that bad before.

Chester dips his head and presses his warm mouth against the same spot, open mouth and gentle. Now I can’t say anything because he’s stolen everything I want to say straight from my head.

My heart pounds once more when he lifts up, bringing our noses together as he looks back and forth across my eyes. “Nod your head if I can kiss you, baby girl.”

I nod slowly, frozen, mouth parted to find any ounce of oxygen I can. His exhale hits my mouth just before I feel the soft brush of his lower lip graze, then he pulls back to cup my face.

He tilts my head to actually kiss me this time, but we both jolt when a car horn blares feet away from us. It startles me so badly that I scramble down from the trunk and Chester helps so I don’t lose my footing.

“Fucking assholes,” he grumbles. A loud sigh escapes him as we stand next to each other, watching the rusty as fuck car speed away, sounding their horn another few times. He looks down at me and gives me a placating smile. “Probably a good thing. Kissing you for the first time should happen someplace better than the side of a road with garbage littered everywhere.”

My hands are shaking as I run my fingers through my hair, feeling disheartened as the scare from the car horn causes the pressure in my muscles to build back up. I nod once, distracted by my frustration with this debilitating anxiety, and pissed that it won’t just stay the fuck away.

Chester must see me closing down because his easy smile slips away, and he narrows his eyes on me again. “I’d like to come back to this. Just don’t shut down on me.”

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