Page 78 of Muted

Then there’s Chester. Nothing in this world compares to the way he holds my hand. I feel engulfed by the protective security he wraps me in. I don’t think that Chester wants anything from me, or that he cares for me more than an employee, but I care about him. I want things from him I probably shouldn’t.

Theo keeps trying to get my attention, even going so far as to grab the pencil from my hand to stop me from writing. I refuse to encourage anything further with him until I figure out what the hell I’m going to do about Cliff.

Picking up another pencil, I continue working on the numbers and let the nausea roll over me when I hear Theo growl in frustration.

“Please, stop shutting me out.” He’s pleading with me. The guilt I feel over the anguish I hear in his voice absolutely guts me, but then my mind travels back to how I’m going to handle Cliff.

Flashes of the last altercation I had with my grandfather slam into me, forcing me to hunch over my work. I need to go home. Cliff cornering me and threatening me is sending me deep into the memories of taunting voices in my high school, whispering cruel words of how much of a whore my mother was. How I’m trash and should disappear right along with her.

I barely register Theo leaving the table when Chester arrives back at Sonority. Their low murmuring only serves to piss me off, distracting me from the memories of when I sought help from the police department afterhe…

Slamming the book closed, I gather my work and walk past the two men hovering near me to set it on Chester’s desk. When I come back out, I’m stopped by all of them.

When did Vance show up?

“Susu, what’s wrong right now? You don’t seem like your—”

Just as Chester starts in on me, I shove past them to grab my bag. I don’t pause on my way to the front door, shoving against it, only to find that it’s locked.

With a keening cry, I shove against it again, not understanding why it won’t open. The front door isalwaysunlocked. More words I don’t hear as I smack my hand, palm open against the glass, until someone’s arm reaches around me to flip the lock.

Tumbling into the afternoon air, I suck in a breath, take stock of where I’m standing, then shoulder my bag and hurry toward the bus stop.

I have to get home. I can’t be here right now knowing that I’m going to have to steal money from my friend.Chester’s my friend, right?

The next hour doesn’t register, nor do I notice Miriam standing in the kitchen making food when I barrel into our apartment.

“Susu, is everything o—” I shut the door on her question and sit at the foot of my bed, immediately finding the spot where a piece of furniture dug out the sheetrock in the wall.

I’m not sure how long I sit there, or when I started crying. I briefly hear Miriam talking to someone with a deep voice in the apartment. When the door to my room snicks open, then shuts, I still don’t look at my guest.

Breathing deeply, Chester’s spicy scent envelops me and it’s what triggers me into hunching forward as I dissolve into sobs, covering my face.

“Hey hey hey. Susu… What’s going on right now?” he asks softly, making his way to my side and sitting next to me. My bed dips down from his weight and I don’t stop my body from sliding off the edge onto the floor. It’s fitting, crumbled on the ground in front of him. On my knees in front of him.

How do I tell him and keep myself safe?Cliff needs one minute to ruin my life. That’s all.

Before my ass hits the ground, I feel his hands grip me under my arms as he pulls me onto his lap. His heavy arms wrap around my frame, holding me against his chest before dropping his chin on top of my head.

“I know you struggle to speak, but will you try to tell me what’s happened to get you like this? What’swrong?” I can hear the desperation in his voice, and I know he’s worried, but I can’t stop the heaving sobs.

Turning my face into his chest, I let the frustration and fear and guilt flow out of me. It’s not fair to him to be forced to deal with me like this. He’s the victim. Not me. Not inthissituation, but I can’t stop myself from being selfish and take the comfort he’s offering.

“Whatever it is, it can’t be that bad. Talk to me, baby girl,” he murmurs into my hair, causing a shudder to wrack through my body.

The words aren’t there. Not yet. Not until I figure out exactly what I’m going to do and how to handle my situation with Cliff.

His heavy hands stroke over my hair as my face burns from the warmth of his body. My skin is sweating and flushed, but my body shivers as if I’m frozen. He’s so goddamn warm. I involuntarily turn until my legs and arms are wrapped around him to soak it into my skin.

“On a side note, I read your note. I’m sorry too. I heard what you were saying, and I’ll back off about it for now.” I want to respond to him, but it’s just too much to add to my plate.

Chester continues to hold me, rocking me slightly as I have my breakdown in his arms, whispering promises that things will be okay if I’ll only tell him what’s wrong. The words are so kind that I only feel worse and sob harder.

Eventually, he must figure out that I’m not calming, so he turns silent, only holding onto me like he’ll protect me from every cruel and evil thing searching for me in the recesses of my nightmares.

I’m not sure how long we stay like this, but I exhaust myself to where I can’t open my eyes while the pace of his heart thumping against my ear soothes my head.

“How do you know Susanna?” Miriam’s voice is soft. I never heard her enter my room, but I don’t care that she’s here, as long as Chester doesn’t leave yet.

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