With Vance, I feel like I’m an equal. He sees me for me and is so intuitive. He makes me feel comfortable and God… my throat relaxes around him. I don’t want to give either of those things up.
I could go further and include Chester in giving me the feels. He’s the gasoline to my fire. He makes me simmer but then throws on fuel, making me burn hotter. But he also comes from a place of protection and strength. Chester Ahearn makes me nervous, and I have no idea what to make of him.
“Are you going to pick one of them?” he asks me, meeting my glare with a quick glance before focusing back on the road.
I don’t answer him. Again, it’s none of his damn business. Also, I don’t know because I don’t know how I feel about any of them. What I can admit is that I care and it’s more than just as coworkers or friends.
Turning my head, I stare out the window while leaving my hand limp in his. I refuse to entertain his questions. I also refuse to engage with someone who seems to continuously act hot and cold with me.
“Susu, I’m not trying to piss you off. The only reason I even brought it up to begin with is because I care about Theo… and Vance,andyou.”
Thanks for the afterthought.
He grips my hand in an attempt to draw my attention and then sighs again when I don’t acknowledge it. Maybe I’m being stubborn. Probably. But honest to God, I’m not going to cater to moody men and their asinine opinions on my practically non-existent dating life. And I’mnotgoing to discuss it with Chester, who can’t decide if I’m the enemy or not.
The rest of our drive is made in silence. No music. No more comments or questions from him. Just the rumbling of the engine and sounds of cars as they pass us by.
Chester never lets my hand go, though. He continues to stroke his thumb across the side in a comforting gesture until I pull it free to get out of the car.
I miss his warmth as soon as I shut the door. The regret for ignoring him is real.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
After unlocking the door for me this morning, Chester informed me he needed to run a few errands and I’ll be in the bar alone for a few hours.
The night before, I had decided that I wouldn’t shut him out like I did anymore. It’s easy to avoid altercations when they make you uncomfortable, but every time he’s pissed me off, it was because he was either worried about me or out of care. Although at times misguided, his heart is in the right place.
Unfortunately, Chester wasn’t in the mood to play our ‘yes and no’ game when I offered my palm to him. He gave me a tight smile and simply said that today should just be a music day. I’ll admit I was disappointed. I had come up with a way to ask the same questions back to him. A way to let him know that I also want to know things about his life, likes, and dislikes.
Grabbing a sheet of paper, I write him a note before grabbing the cash, receipts, and ledger from his desk to balance everything.
Chester,
I owe you an apology for last night. I won’t make excuses, but I would like to give you an explanation at least.
I was embarrassed and feeling protective of Vance. Maybe it wasn’t my place because he made his thoughts perfectly clear, but being talked about is a sensitive subject for me. You spend a lot of time trying to get to know me during our car rides, so I’ll give you a little more about me.
Where I used to live, I was relentlessly gossiped about. People have always made assumptions about me as a person without actually getting to know me, and I was forced to deal with a lot of harassment and bullying. That’s not to say that was what you were doing, but it put me on edge. I felt defensive.
I get the feeling that you might not know Vance well and only see one side of him. I’ve been introduced to another side and he’s important to me. So is Theo. So are you. All for very different reasons.
I’m not toying with anyone’s emotions. At least, I’m not trying to. Nothing has been established and I’m just taking the time to get to know them in the best way I know how.
All of this to say, I care… very much. I’m sorry for lashing out in an immature way. You didn’t deserve that.
~Susanna
P.S. I enjoy that you all call me Susu. It’s not a nickname I grew up with. Fun fact – I stuttered over my name during my interview with you… I was trying to say Susanna but couldn’t get it out. Please don’t stop using it.
After leaving the note, I make my way out to the table I typically work at, only to be slammed against the wall the moment I step outside of the office.When the fuck did Cliff get here?
He has his hands pressing against my shoulders, pinning me back and all I can do is stare up at him, shocked and I’ll admit it, afraid.
“I’msoglad you’re here,” he slurs out.Is he drunk?
Chester mentioned Cliff was gone for the week, but never mentioned he’d be back today. I don’t think he knew Cliff would be back, not with how he informed me I’d be alone this morning at the bar.
“I know things about you,” he sings out and I shiver at the joy he seems to have with letting me know. “You’ve got secrets you’ve been hiding from everyone, don’t you, girl?”